When I first heard this concept I knew immediately that I was one of them. Why was I constantly getting in my own way of achieving?
The answer lies deep within your core values, and if you have never done an exercise that gets them all out, I'd highly recommend it....you may be surprised! Our values are what drives us, they are often learnt at a young age, and could have been adopted from someone else.
Many women have a fear of success, because of their perception of success itself.
Ask yourself, what does success mean to you? Does it mean an abundance of money? Hard work? Motivation? Happiness?
Well, what is your belief around money? Is it the root of all evil, perhaps you think it doesn't buy you happiness? What about happiness? Are you allowing yourself to be happy, or are do you feel bad if you are happy because there are others in your world that are not? Perhaps hard work has other consequences....
So think about what you have to do to get it. Put yourself out there? Take time away from family? Give up a social life (and your search for Mr Right)? Become arrogant and selfish as you climb your way to the top? Hang on, none of these sound that appealing!
A fear of success is an inability to focus all the things that success will really bring for you. So if you think this may be you, I have an exercise for you:
1) Firstly, get very clear about what success does mean to you. Success may have a common status symbol like a house or a Ferrari, but if this isn't your idea of success you need to tell yourself what really is, and be specific!
2) Next, make a note of the all the other choices that this success will give you.
3) Finally, make a list of any consequences that getting this goal will have on other parts of your life. What positive outcomes are you getting by not achieving this success?
If you have been able to think of any to that last one, then you are getting in your own way and sabotaging your own success. Go back to the first and second point, what does this look like, make it as real as possible, get excited, and now go back to the last point and figure out if this is really true. For example, will your children really be worse off because you're putting in more hours on something you love and are much happier doing? How can you still spend the same quality time with them and achieve your goal? Who can help?
Are you really more likely to meet that special someone when you don't consider yourself special enough to be true to you? Why should someone else believe that if you don't? Sticking in a job you hate because it provides a consistent income that pays for your social life may not be the answer.
And what's with this belief that being confident and focused could mean that other people see you as arrogant? You will always be you, and if you are a kind and caring person, you can maintain that, can you not? And a final word on being selfish (a word with negative connotations, but in my opinion, positive results).
Being selfish is necessary - you only have one life, be brave enough to live it your way.