Not!

But the other day I met someone who told me she had taken the leap, and there were people she was leaving behind at work who thought it was a stupid idea.

"What?" I said incredulously (this is my word of the week - use it, it's great!)
"Well," the brave heart said, "there are loads of people who have said they think it's great but I am leaving this amazing job to go and study, so that means I won't be earning a regular income."
"Good," I said, "and you have obviously worked out that you can make it work financially, and it's the best thing for you at this time, and you are thinking of all the extra income you will get when you have that qualification and confidence to live your dream life....so who has come up to you and said it's a stupid idea??" I said, still incredulous.
"Well...er, no one has actually said it, but they haven't congratulated me and I just know they think it."

Oh.

Firstly, when you think you know what someone else thinks (I don't care how well you know them) - you don't know! That is your thought that you have to think to imagine someone else is thinking it - make sense?

Thinking someone believes that leaving your job is a stupid idea has come from your fears. Now, negative emotions or beliefs or decisions made at an unconscious level are there for good intentions, so don't go getting all angry at yourself for having them. In this instance, the decision had already been made, so the unconscious belief which presented itself as a thought in someone else's head (much easier to digest if it's them not you right?) is there to protect you, to remind you to make sure you have a plan in place. 

BUT, if that thought is keeping you where you are, in a job you don't want to be in, dreaming of a life you do want, feeling frustrated, angry, or sad, then you are giving in to fear and buying into a limitation that is holding you back. By the way, if someone actually does voice to you that 'it's a stupid idea', simply thank them for their feedback.

Feedback is not always about you and is certainly not as negative as you might first believe...this could be their desire/their fear, or it could be born from love - they want to make sure you are going to be OK and you've thought it through. It's worth deciding what their feedback is all about, don't spend too long on it, but once you have decided what works for you, then move on. If you think it is from a place of their fear and is tapping into yours simply say DELETE, DELETE, DELETE.

If you are worrying about what other people think, you are thinking it... won't it be better when you focus on you, on what you really want, on the positives in your day, in every bit of feedback you can be grateful for, and in all the resources you have to go for what you want today.

And if someone does voice what you think they're thinking, you can deal with that then, and be in a much more positive and resourceful state.

Be brave, be beautiful.

Sam Holman is a Guru of Brave, working with women to unlearn unwanted beliefs and behaviours to gain clarity and confidence to focus on what they really want. As a qualified careers adviser she can help you make that career change and remove any self doubt along the way too. She offers a unique brave bootcamp, an online coaching programme to breakthrough to your brave. Find out more - www.breakthroughtoyourbrave.info

Ever been in a situation where you have had an argument with a friend, partner, sibling, parent, colleague or even boss, and you are literally feeling incredulous that this person is arguing that 'black is white'? (Visual)
Perhaps within the same argument you are aware that this person doesn't even seem to be understanding what you are saying and it is 'falling on deaf ears'. (Auditory)
Frustrating huh? 
Here's the kicker... it's likely that the other person believes exactly the same thing about you. This equals two frustrated people arguing about nothing anyone understands and getting nowhere...fast! What an incredible waste of time and energy.

We all have more dominant ways of taking in information; learning and communicating with our senses so to speak. So let's say your partner prefers a more auditory approach, his language is likely to be using words like 'listen, you're not hearing me.' Perhaps you are more kinesthetic, so you may say 'I feel like you don't care, I'm not comfortable with this.' Which just confuses the hell out of them! What language are you even speaking?? I don't understand what you're on about! Understanding your partner's, or indeed work colleague's,  dominant way of taking in information and communicating with others is so important for harmonious and stress-free relationships.

So here are...

The 8 keys to communicating for success:

1) Know the positive outcome that you want
Focusing on what you want rather than what you don't want automatically changes your unconscious language. 
2) Believe you can achieve your goal - your unconscious language and behaviour will do the rest
If there is doubt pay attention, write it out until you have identified what that doubt is, or until it is gone.
3) Communicating from a place of negative emotion or limiting belief is not going to get what you want (most likely it will get you exactly what you don't want).
If you feel guilty you are likely to deliver your message defensively. If you know you have nothing to feel guilty about you will need to address where this is coming from i.e are you communicating with someone who is not supporting your self worth, or do you have old learnt guilt that needs to be removed? (See removing negative emotions HERE)
4) Be honest with yourself (and others)
Our story is not always reality. Of course it is our reality, but sometimes you may find yourself telling an old story that you no longer believe. What do you really want? Do you really lack confidence, or was that a younger you? Look for all the evidence that it is not true, rather than trying to back yourself up, and learn to accept yourself for who you are now...then you can be honest, with yourself and others.
5) Be flexible 
When you say 'I know' you are cutting off an opportunity to learn. Be flexible with your thoughts and goals, something better could be around the corner.  (Editors note: read more about 'I know' HERE)
6) Don't ask 'why' - it gives an excuse to compound belief and justify. 
Understand the intention or purpose (yours or the other person's) by asking 'for what purpose?' or 'what is your intention?'
7) Know your differences (Kinesthetic/visual - man/woman - adult/child - cultures)
If we were all the same life would be very boring. Love someone for their different ideas and experiences, accept that people are different. You won't always want to be around those who have very different values to you, and that's OK too...being negative about that or taking it personally will not get you anywhere though.
8) Say 'and' not 'but' 
'I know what you're saying but I think I am right' draws attention away from the first part of the sentence allowing the other person only to focus on the fact you think you are right...which will of course enrage them. By saying 'and' you are acknowledging that you understand another person's opinion, and you have a different view.

Sam Holman is a 'Guru of Brave'  and works with women to remove limiting beliefs and negative emotions that create unwanted patterns of behaviour. Sam runs a unique online coaching programme. Book your space here www.breakthroughtoyourbrave.info

Ever been in a place where your working day has been better spent in a day dream? And in that dream you are doing all the things you'd love to do but probably couldn't get paid to do.  Then reality seems even harsher when you snap out of it and are faced with feelings of frustration, anger, annoyance, perhaps guilt and sometimes what feels like physical pain.

Now it's time to sit in a meeting where you'd rather chew your own ears off than listen to the pointless points being made, or you look at the pile of paperwork and can no longer make a fun game out of trying to get it all done in a day, perhaps the mere sight or sound of your boss makes you want to scream in a really irrational but oh so releasing way. Perhaps you feel a little dead inside, or maybe worse, your stomach seems to be alive with creepy crawly anxiety ants on a daily basis, and your mouth is continuously dry despite the constant flow of tea or coffee you're drinking just to keep you awake (or give you something else to do).

You ask yourself daily, surely there is more to life than this, and although there may be a small voice inside shouting 'YES!' the louder rational one says, 'well, maybe, but you have looked at jobs and there was nothing, and remember that time that one job did come up, they didn't even reply, let's face it, there's a recession, jobs are hard to come by, I'm probably not experienced enough for what I'd really like to do anyway...' And the little voice that shouts 'YES!' gets drowned out by all the reasons why it's just not possible.

According to *research 'three out of five people in the UK want to change their job but are held back by lack of cash or the right skills.' But as you sit at work and think about your reasons for putting yourself through this everyday, are they really real, or actually is it that you are holding yourself back by fear?

From the same research taken from 3'000 UK workers, some of the top dream jobs include, a writer, a photographer, working for a charity, a musician or singer, a sports trainer, an actor, journalist, racer and artist.

It seems people are searching for purpose, and  want a way to turn passions in profits, yet  you only have to pick up a paper to back up your belief that you can't do it...jobs are still being lost, people are still more experienced than you or perhaps the kind of job you want just doesn't exist. Well think again my friend.

When you look for information to back up your belief you will find it, let's face it, doom and gloom is comfortable and safe; you can't be disappointed at the bottom. But today dare yourself to get out of that uncomfortable so-called comfort-zone to take one small step - simply look for people who have done it. 

Perhaps you think no one has done what you want to do, well have you ever heard of these jobs?

Face feeler - checking that beauty products do what they say, so feeling the softness of models faces.
Gumologist  - basically testing chewing gum, some days are literally spent chewing gum all day.
Waterslide tester - break times include roller coasters and candy floss!
Sommeliar - You must know your wine for this one...hardship!

Stop with the excuses!

To do what you want to do you must start with the belief that you can, so go surround yourself with people who are doing it, read their biographies, follow them on Linkedin (do not follow them down the street), network with people who you admire...

OR you can go for a drink with everyone from the office after work, and complain about the boss, the amount of work, the ethos and (lack of) company values, and as you buy another round, remember to mention that you just can't afford to do what you really want to do.

                                                      Be brave, be beautiful (and go get your new courageous career)

Sam is a qualified careers adviser and is passionate about changing the views of people who think a plan B is necessary (if you really need one decide how long you'll be in it whilst you work on plan A), she is also now trained as a Master NLP coach and works as a 'Guru of Brave' helping women unlearn what has held them back in the past. Get her free e-book full of tips to go from scared to successful HERE.

Comments always welcome:

One thing I have noticed in my bid to stay inspired is what happens on Facebook. Every week I spend time going through posts of people I follow, watching inspirational videos, reading psychological articles, and comparing myself to other people's businesses. Hang on, what??

Comparison, as they say, can be the thief of joy - and despite being aware of this, it can still creep up and bite you on the behind. Let's face it, Facebook is good for so many things, but can also be an over-indulgence to see what friends, people we used to know and other businesses are doing better than us.

Remember though, that Facebook gives us the opportunity to crop our lives, to cut out the negative and hide the bigger picture. How honest are we really being? How authentic are we being by posting only the good pictures and posts? (Of course who really wants to have friends who post negative rant after negative vibe - eugh!) 

But if you are looking at other people's posts and wishing you could be that beautiful, funny, inspiring, active, thin, in love, independent, successful etc I am wondering who you think you are to believe you are not? 

To accept and love ourselves in the first step to living authentically, to be honest with ourselves about who we are is the biggest challenge many of us face, and to do this is the bravest thing you can do, because when you can do that, then you can achieve all that is perfect for you, at exactly the right moment.

I saw these 15 landmarks zoomed out recently and love the fact that the bigger picture can be just as enlightening as the snippet we choose to show the world.

If you'd like some support in identifying and embracing the real you so that you can get clear on what you want and achieve your big goals with confidence contact me for a chat today.

I was recently introduced to the concept of ‘the curse of lovely’ (book by Jacqui Marson) – sounds like a pretty nice curse to have if there is such a thing! How can we really be cursed to be lovely though? You may recognise yourself in this if you think you are someone who says yes to everyone, and then gets annoyed at self, angry at others for taking advantage, sad that people only seem to contact you if they need something, or guilty/anxious at the mere idea of saying NO!

I know many people like this, and they truly are lovely. Luckily because I know they are 'cursed' I am mindful of their affliction; I used to be the same – I’d drop everything to be there for people who needed me, when they needed me. Mine was more a ‘thoughtful curse’, that was my label, so of course I could never be anything but. Man, I would go out of my way to people please, and although it was acknowledged, I carried resentments that it wasn’t returned (it often was, not always from the same people, but kindness is always rewarded), in my moments (come on, we all have them) I’d throw my ‘life isn’t fair’ toys around the room, and yet still, when the next person  asked, I’d drop everything. Seriously, I am pretty sure I dropped a few hot dates with perspective lovelies to make sure the people in my life knew I was trustworthy, would do anything for them, and generally liked/loved me.  Of course I had high expectations of those around me too, making it almost impossible for people to live up to them. You have kids, schmee, if I need you I need you, look at all the times I have been there for you! Kinda thing. This of course ensured I was proved right, they didn’t love me enough.

OK, let’s get real here – this isn’t a curse, this is a limiting belief, an excuse to stay in the comfort zone.  If this is you, you are likely to be living your life in overwhelm, and preventing yourself from being as lovely as you can be, because those negative emotions you are carrying around are not attractive and are definitely not positively serving you; it's likely that no one else even knows they exist and if they have clocked them, chances are they’ll be avoiding you now! The important people in your life just think you’re lovely, if they think at all, perhaps they take it for granted that you’re lovely, but if you asked them and they had to think about it I’ll bet that’s what they’d say. They love you anyway, whether you say yes or no, and if they do get annoyed when you say no, that’s feedback, but don’t make their problem your problem!

It’s time to be honest about what makes you happy, and put yourself, health and wealth first. No one worthy of being in your life will resent you for that, no one will think less of you, in fact, some may even envy you your freedom (again, their problem to address).

If you love making other people happy, accept that, and notice all the times the universe gives it back to you in different ways.

So are you cursed, or are you lovely?

In my opinion, there is no curse of lovely – you just are… my question to you is, what else are you?

To get rid of limitations and beliefs that are holding you back from reaching your full and happy potential find out more about how we can work together HERE

People often ask me the above question and I am momentarily floored. This is not a good look for business, but what's fab about a breakthrough is that when you have them, you forget that you were ever in that place where you needed one. 

So let me explain. You know the moment when the sun breaks through on a cloudy day, where you see the light at the end of the tunnel, where you feel euphoria at your sense of achievements? I digress... how about when a chick has been tapping away at his shell in his bid for growth and freedom, the fresh air hits his tiny beak and he can finally relax, or when you get that light bulb moment and a sense of clarity? OK, I'm off again...

The fact is, a breakthrough is whatever it is you want it to be. Do you feel that life is a little foggy and you could do with the sun on your face? Do you feel you have been tapping away on something for an age, feel exhausted and think you're getting nowhere? 

Don't take it from me, my clients know exactly what I am talking about when they have their breakthroughs...

"I contacted Sam and she started me on her ‘breakthrough’ programme.  Today I can positively say a breakthrough is exactly the right word.  A lot of the opening of eyes and dawning of positivity. gradually lifting of barriers, feeling better and better every day.  But there was definitely a ‘click’ moment where the path of progress, change and positivity started feeling like the obvious choice every day."  

Hope that answers that question.

If you are ready for your breakthrough, whether dreaming big or taking first steps, let me support you. 
I offer various ways for you to have your own breakthroughs, from one to one work to online programmes. Contact me TODAY to see how I can support you to breakthrough and get what you want.

We spend about 57% of our waking lives at work during a working life of about 46 years. Phew!That's over half of our lives, but for many this feels like a lot more when you spend the weekend dreading work, long hours commuting to work, not sleeping at night as you worry about work, and not forgetting the overtime (which many of us are no longer getting paid for). 

Expectations from employers are getting higher, and stress rates in employees are going up with them.

The job search can create a fair amount of anxiety, fear and vulnerability in people, and I often work with clients to remove those emotions so they can better understand how these factors may be keeping them stuck in their current careers. Through coaching, you can reasonably expect to gain career confidence, insight, encouragement and inspiration. You should also feel as if the coaching relationship grants you some permission to relax a bit. 

If you are doing something you really, truly enjoy, it shouldn’t feel like work at all (many still believe that you are not supposed to enjoy your job - who says!?) Ideally, you should feel a sense of alignment between your work and your values.  It’s only in that space of overlap—which may or may not relate to your sense of purpose in the world—that a genuine sense of career gratification or fulfillment becomes possible. If you want a job that brings fulfillment, then aligning your work with your values is essential. If you already derive fulfillment from work, then your work is probably already an extension of your values.

If you are someone who has been feeling for a while that there is something more for you out there, but you are not sure what, or you know but you are afraid to take the leap unsupported, let me help you.

As a qualified career's adviser and 'Guru of Brave' I work with clients to identify their key transferable skills, fine tune professional CV's, and unearth their true career desires giving you clarity and confidence to go for what you really want.

If this sounds like something you are interested in please contact me or make a 15 minute appointment (available to book on the 'contact page') so we can talk about how you can move forward and tailor your next steps with me. Just follow the link and CONTACT ME NOW for a no-obligation chat.

Have you ever felt like you are 'blagging' your way through life? That at some point someone will find you out and it won't be pretty? This is commonly referred to as 'imposter syndrome' - when you, ironically enough, feel like an imposter in your own life.  

When I worked the 9-5 I felt like a fraud quite regularly, often wondering when I would finally get the sack and imagining the sigh of relief when I got discovered. No more pretending, no more having to look like I know what I am talking about, finally outed to being the fraud I was.

When I set up my own business this feeling went along with the belief that I wasn't good enough, but I started with some support in the form of my own personal breakthrough and I soon realised that the feeling is with many people, from all walks of life, employed or not. This is often a link to a limiting decision at the unconscious level but having a conversation with a friend recently we talked about how she was doing what she loved, more than anything else, and not only that, but people were PAYING her for her opinion, which she often found amazing. 

So many people believe that what they know is what EVERYONE knows, so it's common knowledge, it's easy, why would anyone pay you for it?? The problem is that what is 'common sense' to you, may not be so common. Maybe what is less common is confidence, confidence to take what you know and charge money for it.

When I took the leap from employment to self-employment I remember people asked me what I was going to do, where was I going to go... they were incredulous at the idea of taking a leap with no safety net. "But, what if it doesn't work?" they'd say. One even said to me, "you're not supposed to enjoy work though are you?" Some where along the line we learnt that we don't get paid for what we love to do, work is supposed to be hard, boring, difficult, challenging.... we roll our eyes at the idea of work, we don't wake up excited and we definitely don't get paid loads of money for something we find easy... or do we?

A friend of mine worked really hard in an administration role, and with every opportunity put herself forward for promotions, even though she didn't think she was qualified for the roles. Eventually she was noticed as a go-getter, ambitious and passionate about the company she worked for and within a matter of months she was one of the companies top earners. Now she says she feels bad that sometimes she works from home and does her washing and shopping instead of the work she is getting paid for (on other occasions she works evenings and weekends without payment) - the simple fact is, she finds what she is doing now so easy and can't believe the salary she gets for it, thereby worrying that she gets too much for not doing enough.

Perhaps the feeling of 'imposter syndrome' is a way to give you feedback, perhaps you do need to deal with an underlying belief that you are not good enough or don't deserve it (or some other limiting belief that can be just as stressful) and on the other hand, perhaps you have worked hard to get there, and perhaps the knowledge, talent and skills you have are simply everything that someone else needs. 

Perhaps you are pretending to be someone that in fact, you already are.

Need help getting aligned? Perhaps you want to identify your natural talents? Contact me today to find out how I can help.

Whether you want the perfect career, relationship, lifestyle, or family there is always the same thing getting in the way...you! Yes whether it's just out of reach, you almost had it, or you had it and lost it there is one common denominator. 

So let's look at career for now - 

You may think you don't know what your perfect career is. Maybe that's because your perfect career doesn't exist - yet?

Maybe you think that you can't get paid what you need to earn in your perfect career?

Maybe you think you're not supposed to get paid for doing what you love?

How about these... I'm not experienced enough, I don't have the right qualifications, I don't know where to start, it's not realistic, I'm not special enough...why would anyone pay ME to do that? Not confident enough, not clever enough, not blah blah blah blah blah!

You get my drift.

As mock exams and real ones are kicking in in schools all over the UK young people are feeling the pressure of decision time, and are struggling to find their purpose - what is it all for? What if I make a mistake? Can you remember that time, being lost and confused, people giving you their opinions on what you can do with your skills - which path did you take back then? The safe one...or are you still searching for your path? 

Take a look at this visual on the left, detailing the paths of five self-made millionaires. Is where you are now today a stepping stone towards what you really want, or are you stuck in your plan B and growing roots from standing still too long? 

Many young people I work with want to know what they can do as a back up plan. At the age of 17 I wonder where they get the idea that they need one? Yes there is competition, labour market statistics may not be in your favour but the minute we give focus on the negative and what we can't do instead, we lose focus of the dream.

So at some stage in our lives we have a look around and don't recognise the path we have lead ourselves up. Perhaps we don't feel valued, satisfied, or happy, perhaps we don't think we have respect from our boss, or are frustrated that we are not utilizing our skills.

So first of all, let's get real. Nothing is perfect, (that's what makes it perfect) and your reaction to that is everything. How you feel is feedback - what are you telling yourself? 

Is it time to take that leap and create that career for yourself, or do you simply need to take a fresh perspective and see all that this route has and is giving you? Is it really your boss who needs to show you some respect, or are you putting blame outside of yourself and it's you who needs to respect yourself?

Whatever the answers are, know that you cannot bullsh*t yourself...but you can breakthrough to your brave!

Sam Holman runs online coaching programmes to help support people get clarity and confidence to go for what they really want. Find out more at www.breakthroughtoyourbrave.info

Do feel free to comment and share:

A self-fulfilling prophecy is a belief that comes true because we are acting as if it is already true. Some call this The Law of Attraction (see, for example, Rhonda Byrne’s 2006 self-help book The Secret), but there’s really nothing mystical about it.

NLP is effectively the manual for the mind, noticing how thoughts affects language, which affects our behaviour, and gets us what we inadvertently set out to achieve. Confused? Let me give you an example:

I used to go into a party situation with dread, what will people think of me, how can I leave early, I have nothing interesting to say...I'm not confident! Of course I would go into the party with this belief and thoughts, stumble my way through the party and look for opportunities to leave and getting exactly what I expected..that was my reality. Now I go into parties wondering who I will meet, knowing I am good with people, and my language and behaviour give me a completely different outcome. So which one is reality? Whichever I choose.

There is a saying 'fake it until you make it' and there is a lot of truth in that saying (ironic huh?).  It's a great way to create a new habit and break old cycles that are no longer serving you. Personally I think if you are faking it for too long this can be stressful and you are not genuinely buying into the belief that you want to adopt (see Time Line Therapy for a good alternative to DIY). 

Perhaps you know someone who says that they are not good at networking or selling their business, they always fall apart when they have to give presentations, take exams or go for interviews, perhaps this is even about their personal lives, how many people do you know who say relationships don't work, or they keep getting the same type of man...aka the wrong type? 

My advice, if you have noticed a pattern in a certain area of your life, start to notice your thoughts, pay attention to what you thinking and what you are consequently getting. Are you happy to be proving yourself right, or is it time to change those old results now?

If you think it is time for change, remove those old beliefs and move forward to get what you really want and you would like to have a chat to find out how you can have your own personal breakthrough CONTACT ME today.

Do feel free to comment and share - what patterns do you notice in your own life?