The other day I found myself spotting for a bus. I'm only little, so to be directing this bus from behind, I found myself thinking ( yes I probably should have been more focused) that this big bus, with all it's passengers, and the driver of course, was trusting me to direct it through a maze of parked cars (don't ask).

This got me thinking about direction (and trust). We all need it, yet many are afraid to give it to ourselves, or ask for it, or even follow the directions once given.....yet none of us would jump in a car to get from one side of the country to a small lesser known road on the opposite side of the country without directions, so why do we deny ourselves access to the path on our personal journey? 

Fear of disappointment or of failure can be debilitating, because, let's face it, if we don't give ourselves direction then we probably aren't going anywhere specific. Can you imagine looking back on your life, when you are old and tucked up in bed, reflecting on the life you have had, and being pleased that you didn't give yourself some direction, or a sense of purpose? You didn't trust yourself to hand over that map that had the big cross on it showing you where to find your own personal treasure chest.... but that's OK, because you played safe, you bobbed about like a cork in the ocean, and when there was a storm, you survived it and went wherever life (or someone else's life) took you. OK, so you weren't that happy, but life was simple, easier, when you didn't have to face disappointment...you knew where you stood when you were standing still. Yes, it got a little boring, and frustrating knowing you never reached your full potential, but that's normal, all the other people that were just standing still told you that was fact. Yep, having no direction was up there with one of the best non-decisions I ever made.

Hmm....

Or perhaps you could look back on your life and laugh at all the adventures you had, when you were trying to follow the directions. Perhaps it didn't always go to plan, but you reached your goals, time and again. You had focus and determination, you inspired others and even if you didn't find that treasure chest, you ticked many boxes along the way, and that was a priceless life experience which can never be disappointing.

Dare to dream...when you do, you may find the sense of direction you never knew you had.

Need some support? As well as directing big buses I can help you find your direction and purpose. Contact me today.

Do feel free to comment and share too!

Whether you want the perfect career, relationship, lifestyle, or family there is always the same thing getting in the way...you! Yes whether it's just out of reach, you almost had it, or you had it and lost it there is one common denominator. 

So let's look at career for now - 

You may think you don't know what your perfect career is. Maybe that's because your perfect career doesn't exist - yet?

Maybe you think that you can't get paid what you need to earn in your perfect career?

Maybe you think you're not supposed to get paid for doing what you love?

How about these... I'm not experienced enough, I don't have the right qualifications, I don't know where to start, it's not realistic, I'm not special enough...why would anyone pay ME to do that? Not confident enough, not clever enough, not blah blah blah blah blah!

You get my drift.

As mock exams and real ones are kicking in in schools all over the UK young people are feeling the pressure of decision time, and are struggling to find their purpose - what is it all for? What if I make a mistake? Can you remember that time, being lost and confused, people giving you their opinions on what you can do with your skills - which path did you take back then? The safe one...or are you still searching for your path? 

Take a look at this visual on the left, detailing the paths of five self-made millionaires. Is where you are now today a stepping stone towards what you really want, or are you stuck in your plan B and growing roots from standing still too long? 

Many young people I work with want to know what they can do as a back up plan. At the age of 17 I wonder where they get the idea that they need one? Yes there is competition, labour market statistics may not be in your favour but the minute we give focus on the negative and what we can't do instead, we lose focus of the dream.

So at some stage in our lives we have a look around and don't recognise the path we have lead ourselves up. Perhaps we don't feel valued, satisfied, or happy, perhaps we don't think we have respect from our boss, or are frustrated that we are not utilizing our skills.

So first of all, let's get real. Nothing is perfect, (that's what makes it perfect) and your reaction to that is everything. How you feel is feedback - what are you telling yourself? 

Is it time to take that leap and create that career for yourself, or do you simply need to take a fresh perspective and see all that this route has and is giving you? Is it really your boss who needs to show you some respect, or are you putting blame outside of yourself and it's you who needs to respect yourself?

Whatever the answers are, know that you cannot bullsh*t yourself...but you can breakthrough to your brave!

Sam Holman runs online coaching programmes to help support people get clarity and confidence to go for what they really want. Find out more at www.breakthroughtoyourbrave.info

Do feel free to comment and share:

Do you wake up in the morning feeling excited and wondering how you can make your day even better? Or do you start dreading your day the night before, and wake up wishing you could go back to the dreams you live in your sleep?

Recent studies indicate one in two people feel unhappy with their jobs (and don't do anything about it) and if you suspect you might be one of these people I love this quick quiz to find out if you are a grump (along with some suggested tasks and tips to start making small changes:

The simple fact is that many choose paths unsuitable to them, their skills, and their learning styles right back from leaving college.  Why would they make these choices? Fear! (Whose fear is a whole other question). Young people have already learnt the meaning of making mistakes by the time they are sixteen, as they 'regret' not choosing other subject options at the age of thirteen. At sixteen the pressure is really on, and they know that they couldn't possibly follow their dreams, because the chance of getting them are so slim, the competition so fierce, so the focus goes on the Plan B.

I recently had a conversation with an actor, not a famous one, but a happy one, who was mixing his love of acting with performing, directing and teaching. We discussed a young person who had convinced me that there was no point in following his dream and studying drama since it was so difficult to succeed in it. I wondered if Brad Pitt had said/done the same thing and I was reminded that when we focus on a fall back, we generally do.

The problem back when we are younger is that we don't really know what we want to do; the options are so huge but the ideas are still very narrow as many are only aware of the more common professional roles available. Add to the mix the desire to make money/be independent and we gravitate towards jobs that make sense as a natural, well-trodden by many before us, pathway and start climbing that ladder and focusing on the next milestone.

Perhaps to start with, you want a better day, and unlearning old habits and noticing all the good in your day is a great start, but if you really want to make a difference, ask yourself; what are you really complaining about? Is it time to make a bigger change and be true to who you really are now?

                                                             Be brave, be beautiful

Please feel free to comment and share. For more information see 'Programmes and Workshops'

I have a confession to make, and I almost feel that I have to swear you to secrecy. OK, here it comes...I am having a love affair, with myself. Yep, I said it, I love myself... and (despite it being a bit of a dirty secret) I'm proud of it too. I have one life to live and without this attitude I don't think it would be half as good as it is.

Let me explain - in love, I want someone to take care of me, to say nice things to me, to occasionally treat me and make me laugh, I like a listening ear and someone who can give good advice, who doesn't give me a hard time if I sometimes ignore that advice, and say I told you so. Someone who understands me and forgives me if I mess up, and someone who accepts that I am not perfect, but knows my imperfections kind of make me perfect. 

See all those things I just said... I give that to myself (even the making myself laugh, and yes I do look like a bit of a nutter sometimes, and no, I don't care).

Today is the most romantic day of the year, or so we are told by those fabulous marketing agents. Most of us know that Valentine's Day is commercial rubbish; let's face it, if you love someone you shouldn't be depending on one particular date to kick you up the back-side to pull some romance out of the bag.  Yet there are still many singletons that will be dreading it... I know, I used to be one of them. But before you dismiss me as one of those sickly reformed characters who has now found 'the one' and is skipping into the sunset trying to get everyone else loved up and married off too, let me explain.

I will spend this valentine's day on my own...just as I have for the last few years, the biggest difference is my improved relationship with myself. So if you want to find the greatest love of all this valentine's day, take Whitney's advice, and find it inside of yourself.

                                                            Be brave, be beautiful

Want a better relationship with yourself? Book your place on the 'Breakthrough to Your Brave' online coaching programme NOW. Starts 17th March and is only for those people who want to have the confidence and support to go for what they really want, be it in business or in your personal life, learning tools to remove negative emotions so that you are free to notice opportunities such as fab relationships, improved careers, and making more money along the way!! SPACES LIMITED so book yours NOW -www.breakthroughtoyourbrave.info

Ever wondered how it is that you seem to keep attracting the same kind of ______________ (boss, job, co-workers, partner, relationship, money patterns, friends etc.)?

What are you seeing in these things that is the same? A characteristic? A behaviour? A story?

On a recent trip back from London, whilst gazing out of the window at the countryside whizzing past, I was reflecting on a conversation I'd just had (that sounded very much like a conversation I'd had before), and I suddenly remembered the long period of time that I had had double vision. During this time, when people asked how I coped, I would describe this to others as the fact that you can look outside of a window and ignore the reflection on the glass, focusing only on the beauty beyond. During those two years I was able to choose what I was focusing on...just as we all can, when we look out of a window. 

So back to the conversation that I felt I had had before, yet in a different time, place and with someone completely different. 'Perception is projection' is an idea that stems from Carl Jung, the Swiss Psychologist, and in a nutshell means, what we see in others is a reflection of ourselves, and what you perceive in others is what you are putting out there (projecting)...which then becomes your reality.

So think about this - what if, when we look at others, what we are seeing is actually a reflection of us and we are not allowing ourselves to notice the beauty in them; the frustrated boss, the jobs that are not letting us reach our full potential, the unhappy co-workers, the untrustworthy partners, the lack of commitment in a relationship, the 'not enough' mentality around money, or the insecure friends. What if what you see, feel or hear... is actually you, and you are not allowing yourself to notice the beauty in you? Whoah!

It is certainly a reality that you can choose what you focus on, and when you see things in others that you don't like, just take a moment to check in with yourself - is it really them you are seeing, or a reflection of yourself?

                                                                  Be brave, be beautiful

Want some help to change your repeat patterns and live life beyond the reflection? Online coaching programme 'Breakthrough to Your Brave' starts again on 17th March - click on this LINK and secure your spot NOW.

Ever felt lonely, despite the ability to connect to others at the touch of a button? Internet dating, Facebook friends and smart phones connecting us to the world 24/7 can lead us into a false impression that we are connected, we are not alone, but is this way of communicating really that good for us? It seems that many of us don't make time for real relationships, instead 'liking', 'commenting' or conversing with people we may never even meet. We can do this in an instant, and we don't have to schedule in time from our busy lives. If we do connect with others in real time we may also run the risk of having to tell...wait for it...the truth!! Or worse, have nothing to say at all, because the truth is, we don't make time for anything but work...and Facebook!

In today's society, as we connect by looking at the best of what others choose to show us, we would be forgiven for comparing ourselves to others and feeling like we aren't quite good enough, and as time goes on we are in danger of forgetting all the things that we do have to talk about. Our anxiety around having a real conversation and indeed, from being real...stops us from reaching out, from saying, you know what, life isn't so great right now, and actually, I could do with a hug (a real one). I wonder if you did, would you find others who feel and think exactly the same things as you?

Brene Brown did an amazing talk on the power of being vulnerable, where she talks about a piece of research that she did that changed her life WATCH IT HERE. If you don't have time, she talks about the importance of connecting. She says "connection gives purpose to our lives" and what underpins that is vulnerability. She found that the people who have a stronger sense of love and belonging believe they are worthy of connection, and those who have that sense of worthiness fully embraced vulnerability and believe that what made them vulnerable was what made them beautiful.

So pick up the phone, call someone, and talk.... really talk. I am all for looking at the positive, but if you are masking something that needs to come out, you have to acknowledge that to deal with it.

                                             Be brave, be beautiful.

Today is apparently the day that many of us fall off the resolution wagon - the quitting smoking, the exercise regime, the half an hour job search per day, the sweeties vs. salad, all gets a little bit harder today, and so we stop...and the reasons start.

This year, perhaps it's time to focus on a different kind of resolution, one's that you can commit to and incorporate into your life more easily that you may think:

1) Appreciate what you have - always comparing to others? Wishing you had more? Grateful people are happier people are more successful people - step back and see all you have and all that you are, and take the time to appreciate life for what it is now.
2) Decide on what you want and commit to making it happen - saying you don't know what you want is a form of procrastination is a form of fear. Dare to dream, ask yourself what you really want, and go for it.
3) Stop complaining - start doing. How long have you put up with that job you hate, that boss that gets on your nerves, that commute to work, that friend that only takes, that lack of funds, that leaky roof... whether a new job or a new roof, you can fix it, you just have to start taking action. Now.
4) Connect with the people that matter, distance yourself from the ones that don't - old friends and family may always be there, but make the time to appreciate them, pick up the phone, say hi...it may make someone's day, even yours. By the same token, if you are not getting what you need from a relationship, either accept it for what it is, or walk away.
5) Be honest - you are only lying to yourself. 
6) Be kind to yourself - you wouldn't speak to others the way you speak to yourself, and you are the most important person in your world, watch what you are saying, you are listening and creating negative emotions that can easily be replaced with a few kind words.
7) Let go - Rid yourself of old things e.g. old clothes that remind you you used to be better, old relationships that remind you you used to be worse. You are perfect as you are now.
8) See the positive. Negative emotions empty your day of joy, and can often stop you from seeing opportunities. Feeling guilty about something that is not your problem, feeling sad about something that happened twenty years ago, worrying about something that might (but probably won't) happen next week...take a different perspective, and see the positive.
9) Cross (at least) one thing off your bucket list - no bucket list?? Write one. Learn something newCan't afford to travel, sky dive, bungee jump? Do it for charity. There is always a way.
10) Be in the moment - there are so many distractions in life; smart phones, Facebook, TV. By all means, be part of the modern world, but if a catch up with an old friend is spent communicating with someone else on social media you need to re-evaluate what is important before you lose what truly matters.
 

Do feel free to comment and share - what would be your top tip for making 2014 even better?

Have you ever found yourself going round and round in circles, having the same conversations and getting the same tired results? Have you vowed this year will be different? Well keep reading!

In a *survey done last year only 1 in 4 of 3000 interviewed was confident to maintain his or her resolve, and statistics show that most have given up by day 9 (that's 3 days away!).  But note, the key word here - confidence. People were asked this question before the New Year had even kicked in, and 3 out of 4 didn’t believe then that they would succeed. *http://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/294421/How-most-New-Year-resolutions-end-today

So here are the top 4 mistakes that people make when setting goals:

1)      Write down your goal and take a look at it. Is it focusing on what you want…or on what you don’t want? When I work with clients I always ask them what they want to achieve by utilizing a coach, and almost without exception they spend ten minutes telling me what they don’t want, so I ask them again, and they look at me, confused by the crazy who is just repeating the same question. You must focus on what you want, but many focus on what they don’t want. So here’s the thing, if I say, I don’t want to smoke any more, what do you have to think about? Yep, smoking. Our brain needs direction, and where attention goes, energy flows, so if you are thinking more about what you don’t want, than what you do, then that is most likely what you will get.

2)      Mistake number two is that people are not really clear, hence are not creating a compelling goal. Let me explain. Perhaps you say you want to lose weight, or get a new job, or find a partner…quite often people state they just want to be happy, or more successful, or more positive or more confident. My question then is, so that you can do what? When you get more specific you allow yourself to get excited, which is motivating you to start looking for opportunities and take the action you need to take. If you are having difficulty getting really clear, it may be because there is a limiting belief or fear at a deeper level that is stopping you. You need to learn what is holding you back and how to unlearn those old beliefs. So check your goal – how detailed is it, do you have a date of when you want to achieve it by, do you have a picture of what that looks like, and how will you feel when you get it?

3)      Mistake number three, is that people don’t make their goals a priority. They tell everyone this is what they want, but do nothing to make it happen. Why? They’re too busy with other things, other people, other goals, work, fun, Facebook, sleeping. If your goal is not your priority, there is a chance you won’t get it. Shift you to the top of the list to get what you want, now…which leads to mistake number 4.

4)      The goal is not for you. What I mean is, it is based on things you feel you should do, rather than what you really want to do. Let’s say you really, deep down, have always wanted to do more creative work, but you are going for promotion in the accounting firm you have been working in for the past ten years. You are comfortable in this job, and the next logical step is going for that promotion, so your goal for the new year is to get that promotion. But you don’t really want it. Maybe at some level you are doing it to make your parents proud, somewhere along the way you picked up a belief that you cannot make money by being creative, maybe you are doing it because you think your partner wants you to bring in more money, but maybe that belief just comes from you, for example, if you had more money you’d have more self worth or your partner would value you more? If you are not doing it for you, if it doesn’t match your values and beliefs at a deeper level, then you may find that you sabotage your chances of success, without realising it.

Have you recognised any of these patterns of behaviour so far? *When you identify the steps you need to take to get really focused and clear on what you really want for you, you can gain clarity and identify what has been holding you back, so that you can overcome it and get what you want. 

                                                                         Be brave, be beautiful.

I'd love your comments and do feel free to share - what is your goal for 2014?

I'm too busy, too old, too fat, too thin, too tired...I don't have enough money, enough experience, enough time, enough tools, enough support...I'm not good enough, not motivated enough, not famous enough..ENOUGH ALREADY!

The key to getting what you want is to stay focused on what you do have; so you don't have enough experience yet? Well, how are you ever going to get it if you keep telling people that?! Focus on the fact that you have determination and motivation because you are passionate about what you want to learn and they are great traits to help get your foot in the door.

Your excuses are helping to keep you in a comfort zone. They are there to protect you, and keep you in the world that is your truth. But what if it's not true? What if you can do it with what you have? How would life look then?

It's not what you haven't got, it's what you can do with what you have got.
 
                                                                     Be brave, be beautiful

I'd love your comments. What's been your biggest excuse?

How do you feel when you don't succeed? Discouraged? Depressed? Fed-up?

Does it make you want to give up? Does it make you think the world isn't supporting you? Think you're not good enough or don't deserve it? Perhaps you’ll remind yourself of past failures just to compound the belief, and then start to run an internal dialogue that supports you (because we so like to be right).

I recently met a girl of 18, who was taking an exam for the third time and convinced she was going to fail. Her confidence was going down, and stress levels going up. She had previously missed out on passing these exams by a matter of a few points, but before this she had always had amazing results at school and university. Now the pressure was on because she’d experienced her first fail, and this made it worse. As she sat down to study, she would remember the past failures, and start to tell herself she would probably fail again, this led to a lapse in concentration and she would find it impossible to study (hence making sure she was not well prepped for the exams, which would have lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy). Luckily she had the lady-balls to seek help, but I bet we can all relate to this in some way, I know I can.

If I paint a picture of a famous author, writer of 17 books, including a best-seller that has been translated into 38 languages and sold in over 100 countries, you'd probably see only their success and wouldn’t think about whether they had to face the thought of failure, especially not over and over again.

Author Susan Jeffers once received a rejection letter that said, 'Lady Di could be cycling nude down the street giving this book away and nobody would read it.’ Wow, what amazing feedback! Can you even imagine opening that kind of letter - knowing that someone actually took the time to write those words about something you had worked hard on and totally believed in.

This followed many other rejection letters and was written about her now best-selling, life-changing book, ‘Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway’. She says in the foreword of the book: 'So many publishers rejected it in the beginning that I almost gave up trying to have it published.’

But she didn't give up - she focused on what she wanted, and she was taking action…over and over again. She went on to find a publisher and created a phenomenon, changing thousands of other peoples' lives.

If you believe in something, whatever it is, don't give up on it. No matter how far away success sometimes seems, no matter what response you get from others, no matter how hard it looks now. 

Believe in what you want, stay focused, take action and delete that thought of failure, choose to tell yourself instead that you are worthy – after all, a thought is exactly what it is. 

Want support with your goals? Learn how to get rid of the negative chatter that holds you back? Come along to the free three-part webinar series to find out how you can be free to make 2014 your year. 
                           Book now to get access http://bravesolution2014.eventbrite.co.uk?s=19171845