We often say 'I feel stuck in a rut' but how can you really be feeling stuck (unless you are literally standing in glue of course)? The feeling of stuckness is created by thought, and the likelihood is the thoughts you have are stuck in your mind, going round and round, with no exit strategy.

So consider this, when was the last time you did something differently? 

Can you remember that time when life was sweeet? Then BANG! You were walking along in your happy bubble and you fell down a hole, you didn't see it coming, and now you are at the bottom of this rut, looking back up towards what was, wondering how you got here, feeling a bit lost and confused, and wishing things could be how they were again, wondering how you can get back to that place.

If this sounds familiar then it's time to get out of that rut.

Just imagine that you can turn around.  When we are so busy looking at what was, we are not getting the learning of what is, and very simply put, when you turn around you get to see a different perspective... and a way out. 

So ask yourself what was missing from that happy bubble that meant you found yourself here, what can you now focus on getting that will allow you to turn around, and take the next step towards your bigger and better bubble. Take that step, then another, and eventually you will be free of the darkness...just watch out for those holes!

Sam Holman is a Guru of Brave and works with women who are holding themselves back from living their full life potential to unlearn old fears and beliefs, remove negative emotions, and feel free to create the life they really want, with confidence. Get out of your rut with the Braveheart DIRECT online coaching programme. Secure your place TODAY.

Not!

But the other day I met someone who told me she had taken the leap, and there were people she was leaving behind at work who thought it was a stupid idea.

"What?" I said incredulously (this is my word of the week - use it, it's great!)
"Well," the brave heart said, "there are loads of people who have said they think it's great but I am leaving this amazing job to go and study, so that means I won't be earning a regular income."
"Good," I said, "and you have obviously worked out that you can make it work financially, and it's the best thing for you at this time, and you are thinking of all the extra income you will get when you have that qualification and confidence to live your dream life....so who has come up to you and said it's a stupid idea??" I said, still incredulous.
"Well...er, no one has actually said it, but they haven't congratulated me and I just know they think it."

Oh.

Firstly, when you think you know what someone else thinks (I don't care how well you know them) - you don't know! That is your thought that you have to think to imagine someone else is thinking it - make sense?

Thinking someone believes that leaving your job is a stupid idea has come from your fears. Now, negative emotions or beliefs or decisions made at an unconscious level are there for good intentions, so don't go getting all angry at yourself for having them. In this instance, the decision had already been made, so the unconscious belief which presented itself as a thought in someone else's head (much easier to digest if it's them not you right?) is there to protect you, to remind you to make sure you have a plan in place. 

BUT, if that thought is keeping you where you are, in a job you don't want to be in, dreaming of a life you do want, feeling frustrated, angry, or sad, then you are giving in to fear and buying into a limitation that is holding you back. By the way, if someone actually does voice to you that 'it's a stupid idea', simply thank them for their feedback.

Feedback is not always about you and is certainly not as negative as you might first believe...this could be their desire/their fear, or it could be born from love - they want to make sure you are going to be OK and you've thought it through. It's worth deciding what their feedback is all about, don't spend too long on it, but once you have decided what works for you, then move on. If you think it is from a place of their fear and is tapping into yours simply say DELETE, DELETE, DELETE.

If you are worrying about what other people think, you are thinking it... won't it be better when you focus on you, on what you really want, on the positives in your day, in every bit of feedback you can be grateful for, and in all the resources you have to go for what you want today.

And if someone does voice what you think they're thinking, you can deal with that then, and be in a much more positive and resourceful state.

Be brave, be beautiful.

Sam Holman is a Guru of Brave, working with women to unlearn unwanted beliefs and behaviours to gain clarity and confidence to focus on what they really want. As a qualified careers adviser she can help you make that career change and remove any self doubt along the way too. She offers a unique brave bootcamp, an online coaching programme to breakthrough to your brave. Find out more - www.breakthroughtoyourbrave.info

Ever been in a place where your working day has been better spent in a day dream? And in that dream you are doing all the things you'd love to do but probably couldn't get paid to do.  Then reality seems even harsher when you snap out of it and are faced with feelings of frustration, anger, annoyance, perhaps guilt and sometimes what feels like physical pain.

Now it's time to sit in a meeting where you'd rather chew your own ears off than listen to the pointless points being made, or you look at the pile of paperwork and can no longer make a fun game out of trying to get it all done in a day, perhaps the mere sight or sound of your boss makes you want to scream in a really irrational but oh so releasing way. Perhaps you feel a little dead inside, or maybe worse, your stomach seems to be alive with creepy crawly anxiety ants on a daily basis, and your mouth is continuously dry despite the constant flow of tea or coffee you're drinking just to keep you awake (or give you something else to do).

You ask yourself daily, surely there is more to life than this, and although there may be a small voice inside shouting 'YES!' the louder rational one says, 'well, maybe, but you have looked at jobs and there was nothing, and remember that time that one job did come up, they didn't even reply, let's face it, there's a recession, jobs are hard to come by, I'm probably not experienced enough for what I'd really like to do anyway...' And the little voice that shouts 'YES!' gets drowned out by all the reasons why it's just not possible.

According to *research 'three out of five people in the UK want to change their job but are held back by lack of cash or the right skills.' But as you sit at work and think about your reasons for putting yourself through this everyday, are they really real, or actually is it that you are holding yourself back by fear?

From the same research taken from 3'000 UK workers, some of the top dream jobs include, a writer, a photographer, working for a charity, a musician or singer, a sports trainer, an actor, journalist, racer and artist.

It seems people are searching for purpose, and  want a way to turn passions in profits, yet  you only have to pick up a paper to back up your belief that you can't do it...jobs are still being lost, people are still more experienced than you or perhaps the kind of job you want just doesn't exist. Well think again my friend.

When you look for information to back up your belief you will find it, let's face it, doom and gloom is comfortable and safe; you can't be disappointed at the bottom. But today dare yourself to get out of that uncomfortable so-called comfort-zone to take one small step - simply look for people who have done it. 

Perhaps you think no one has done what you want to do, well have you ever heard of these jobs?

Face feeler - checking that beauty products do what they say, so feeling the softness of models faces.
Gumologist  - basically testing chewing gum, some days are literally spent chewing gum all day.
Waterslide tester - break times include roller coasters and candy floss!
Sommeliar - You must know your wine for this one...hardship!

Stop with the excuses!

To do what you want to do you must start with the belief that you can, so go surround yourself with people who are doing it, read their biographies, follow them on Linkedin (do not follow them down the street), network with people who you admire...

OR you can go for a drink with everyone from the office after work, and complain about the boss, the amount of work, the ethos and (lack of) company values, and as you buy another round, remember to mention that you just can't afford to do what you really want to do.

                                                      Be brave, be beautiful (and go get your new courageous career)

Sam is a qualified careers adviser and is passionate about changing the views of people who think a plan B is necessary (if you really need one decide how long you'll be in it whilst you work on plan A), she is also now trained as a Master NLP coach and works as a 'Guru of Brave' helping women unlearn what has held them back in the past. Get her free e-book full of tips to go from scared to successful HERE.

Comments always welcome:

My friend eats cereal for dinner. Nuts? No, breakfast cereal! (Sorry couldn't resist!).  But cereal-ously (OK I'll stop now), some may question this crazy behaviour; breakfast is to be had at breakfast time and dinner is for dinner time right? It's the rule.

Hmm.

Following a pleasant morning of box ticking, I was heading home, coffee cup in hand, and popped into a charity shop to browse. I immediately spotted some bargains and arms full of things to try on I made my way to the back of the shop where I was stopped by a shop assistant who pointed out the 'no drinking or eating' sign in the open doorway.  

"You can't have drinks on the shop floor," she said.
"Oh," I exclaimed. "Sorry." And at a loss as to what she wanted me to do, I replaced all my items on the rail, and left the shop.  

Surely an offer to leave my drink on the counter whilst I continued shopping would make more sense? Surely the rule would be better 'enter with drinks and food at your own risk, any damages must be paid for'. As it was, they missed out on a sale (and a charity donation) and having stopped the reckless rule  breaker/potential customer the assistant merely turned back to what she had been doing without thought.

Health and safety rules I get, rules to ensure we can all get along and live happily in society I understand, but some rules seem to be there just to stop us from living our best lives, and are there to 'control'.  These rules do not always make sense to me, and quite often, we are responsible for placing these kind of rules on ourselves.

Ever said any of these....'I can't...', 'I shouldn't...', 'I should...', 'I really must...', 'I have to...' Ever felt in conflict between what you want to do and what you feel is possible? What rules are you putting on yourself (and/or others) that stops you from living your best life?  Rules can be important, they can serve a purpose, and often the ones we  put on ourselves reflect our inner values, but what about the ones we put there because of limiting beliefs or the need to 'feel' in control?

Here are some common examples (with possible translations):
 I can't ask him out (I don't love myself)
 I can't commit (I'm scared of failing)
I can't change jobs (I'm not good enough)
I must worry about something (I have no control)
I shouldn't eat that (I am unattractive)
I have to do everything myself (I lack trust)

If you find yourself placing rules on yourself, ask yourself what the intention for them is, and allow yourself some degree of flexibility, after all, some rules really are made to be broken.

I'd love your comments. What rules do you think need to be broken (in society or personally)? Want to get out of your own way and break your own rules to breakthrough to your best life....contact me HERE

One thing I have noticed in my bid to stay inspired is what happens on Facebook. Every week I spend time going through posts of people I follow, watching inspirational videos, reading psychological articles, and comparing myself to other people's businesses. Hang on, what??

Comparison, as they say, can be the thief of joy - and despite being aware of this, it can still creep up and bite you on the behind. Let's face it, Facebook is good for so many things, but can also be an over-indulgence to see what friends, people we used to know and other businesses are doing better than us.

Remember though, that Facebook gives us the opportunity to crop our lives, to cut out the negative and hide the bigger picture. How honest are we really being? How authentic are we being by posting only the good pictures and posts? (Of course who really wants to have friends who post negative rant after negative vibe - eugh!) 

But if you are looking at other people's posts and wishing you could be that beautiful, funny, inspiring, active, thin, in love, independent, successful etc I am wondering who you think you are to believe you are not? 

To accept and love ourselves in the first step to living authentically, to be honest with ourselves about who we are is the biggest challenge many of us face, and to do this is the bravest thing you can do, because when you can do that, then you can achieve all that is perfect for you, at exactly the right moment.

I saw these 15 landmarks zoomed out recently and love the fact that the bigger picture can be just as enlightening as the snippet we choose to show the world.

If you'd like some support in identifying and embracing the real you so that you can get clear on what you want and achieve your big goals with confidence contact me for a chat today.

I recently went into a coffee shop where school children had been encouraged to write poetry in a specific format. The idea was to consider those around us as they sit alone at a cafe and write about what they are dreaming of. Interestingly the eight year olds continuously hit on two main themes; love, and money.

It made me wonder what we are really teaching the next generation; after all, to imagine what others are thinking, you mind read and must put your own thoughts in their voice;  so our children often think what they have learnt, be that from parents, teachers or the media. 


For them to have in their own minds that when people sit alone they are dreaming of wealth or worrying about money, that they are wanting more or stressing about their lack, would indicate they have heard this somewhere before, because really, can an eight year old actually worry about these things?

Other themes were around a better job, a bigger house, having friends... only one wrote from a child's perspective, of a boy who had it all, but dreamed of helping the poor. 

Some time ago I posted a question on my Facebook page, asking what advice people would give to their younger self in only two words and there was a common theme; be brave; be confident; be yourself; accept yourself and so on. Yet according to the many young people I work with, their elders are not following their own advice. Young people are making career choices based on their parents' and teachers' experiences, and they are scared; scared of making mistakes, of not earning enough money, of being unhappy, stuck or stressed out, of constantly being tired at the end of the day, of being bored at work, of being alone or of failing.

But this is not a lesson on parenting as such, perhaps more a lesson in parenting yourself. If we were all to imagine we had a child inside of us, that we were in fact parenting a younger self, would you talk to yourself the way you do? Would you make different choices? Would you take greater risks and leaps of faith? Would you encourage yourself to notice all that you are good at? Would you praise yourself for your achievements at the end of each day? Would you notice all that you have and get creative with your resources? Could you be brave/confident/accept yourself?

So my ultimate question to you is; what are you teaching your 'inner' child?

If you are dreaming about more, but are not sure how to get what you want, contact me today to find out how I can support you to reach your full potential and get out of your own way. Comments welcomed:

I was recently introduced to the concept of ‘the curse of lovely’ (book by Jacqui Marson) – sounds like a pretty nice curse to have if there is such a thing! How can we really be cursed to be lovely though? You may recognise yourself in this if you think you are someone who says yes to everyone, and then gets annoyed at self, angry at others for taking advantage, sad that people only seem to contact you if they need something, or guilty/anxious at the mere idea of saying NO!

I know many people like this, and they truly are lovely. Luckily because I know they are 'cursed' I am mindful of their affliction; I used to be the same – I’d drop everything to be there for people who needed me, when they needed me. Mine was more a ‘thoughtful curse’, that was my label, so of course I could never be anything but. Man, I would go out of my way to people please, and although it was acknowledged, I carried resentments that it wasn’t returned (it often was, not always from the same people, but kindness is always rewarded), in my moments (come on, we all have them) I’d throw my ‘life isn’t fair’ toys around the room, and yet still, when the next person  asked, I’d drop everything. Seriously, I am pretty sure I dropped a few hot dates with perspective lovelies to make sure the people in my life knew I was trustworthy, would do anything for them, and generally liked/loved me.  Of course I had high expectations of those around me too, making it almost impossible for people to live up to them. You have kids, schmee, if I need you I need you, look at all the times I have been there for you! Kinda thing. This of course ensured I was proved right, they didn’t love me enough.

OK, let’s get real here – this isn’t a curse, this is a limiting belief, an excuse to stay in the comfort zone.  If this is you, you are likely to be living your life in overwhelm, and preventing yourself from being as lovely as you can be, because those negative emotions you are carrying around are not attractive and are definitely not positively serving you; it's likely that no one else even knows they exist and if they have clocked them, chances are they’ll be avoiding you now! The important people in your life just think you’re lovely, if they think at all, perhaps they take it for granted that you’re lovely, but if you asked them and they had to think about it I’ll bet that’s what they’d say. They love you anyway, whether you say yes or no, and if they do get annoyed when you say no, that’s feedback, but don’t make their problem your problem!

It’s time to be honest about what makes you happy, and put yourself, health and wealth first. No one worthy of being in your life will resent you for that, no one will think less of you, in fact, some may even envy you your freedom (again, their problem to address).

If you love making other people happy, accept that, and notice all the times the universe gives it back to you in different ways.

So are you cursed, or are you lovely?

In my opinion, there is no curse of lovely – you just are… my question to you is, what else are you?

To get rid of limitations and beliefs that are holding you back from reaching your full and happy potential find out more about how we can work together HERE

People often ask me the above question and I am momentarily floored. This is not a good look for business, but what's fab about a breakthrough is that when you have them, you forget that you were ever in that place where you needed one. 

So let me explain. You know the moment when the sun breaks through on a cloudy day, where you see the light at the end of the tunnel, where you feel euphoria at your sense of achievements? I digress... how about when a chick has been tapping away at his shell in his bid for growth and freedom, the fresh air hits his tiny beak and he can finally relax, or when you get that light bulb moment and a sense of clarity? OK, I'm off again...

The fact is, a breakthrough is whatever it is you want it to be. Do you feel that life is a little foggy and you could do with the sun on your face? Do you feel you have been tapping away on something for an age, feel exhausted and think you're getting nowhere? 

Don't take it from me, my clients know exactly what I am talking about when they have their breakthroughs...

"I contacted Sam and she started me on her ‘breakthrough’ programme.  Today I can positively say a breakthrough is exactly the right word.  A lot of the opening of eyes and dawning of positivity. gradually lifting of barriers, feeling better and better every day.  But there was definitely a ‘click’ moment where the path of progress, change and positivity started feeling like the obvious choice every day."  

Hope that answers that question.

If you are ready for your breakthrough, whether dreaming big or taking first steps, let me support you. 
I offer various ways for you to have your own breakthroughs, from one to one work to online programmes. Contact me TODAY to see how I can support you to breakthrough and get what you want.

We spend about 57% of our waking lives at work during a working life of about 46 years. Phew!That's over half of our lives, but for many this feels like a lot more when you spend the weekend dreading work, long hours commuting to work, not sleeping at night as you worry about work, and not forgetting the overtime (which many of us are no longer getting paid for). 

Expectations from employers are getting higher, and stress rates in employees are going up with them.

The job search can create a fair amount of anxiety, fear and vulnerability in people, and I often work with clients to remove those emotions so they can better understand how these factors may be keeping them stuck in their current careers. Through coaching, you can reasonably expect to gain career confidence, insight, encouragement and inspiration. You should also feel as if the coaching relationship grants you some permission to relax a bit. 

If you are doing something you really, truly enjoy, it shouldn’t feel like work at all (many still believe that you are not supposed to enjoy your job - who says!?) Ideally, you should feel a sense of alignment between your work and your values.  It’s only in that space of overlap—which may or may not relate to your sense of purpose in the world—that a genuine sense of career gratification or fulfillment becomes possible. If you want a job that brings fulfillment, then aligning your work with your values is essential. If you already derive fulfillment from work, then your work is probably already an extension of your values.

If you are someone who has been feeling for a while that there is something more for you out there, but you are not sure what, or you know but you are afraid to take the leap unsupported, let me help you.

As a qualified career's adviser and 'Guru of Brave' I work with clients to identify their key transferable skills, fine tune professional CV's, and unearth their true career desires giving you clarity and confidence to go for what you really want.

If this sounds like something you are interested in please contact me or make a 15 minute appointment (available to book on the 'contact page') so we can talk about how you can move forward and tailor your next steps with me. Just follow the link and CONTACT ME NOW for a no-obligation chat.

Turning negatives into positives can be a really hard thing to do....but not impossible. Many have done it, many are struggling to do it, many believe they can't do it, and this week I have been inspired by two young people who have done it, and done it in style.

Some believe that they are too old to change, but change is a choice and age is an excuse. Many will have heard of the inspirational teenager Stephen Sutton; he won't get the choice to change when he is old, because he lost his battle with cancer this week at the tender age of 19. Of course there are many young people who lose such battles, but Stephen turned his negative into a positive by raising over three million pounds for the Teenage Cancer Trust. When he realised there was no going back, he looked forward, created a bucket list with his fundraising goal at the top, and as well as continuing on his personal fight, he stayed focused on his goals, took massive action and made it happen (in fact as things stand he raised over 350 times more than his original goal).

What inspired so many was how he turned a negative into a positive, he maintained his belief that you can get things done, and had a zest for life which drove him to make sure he lived every moment. His original goal was to become a doctor one day, but said recently "unfortunately my diagnosis means I won't be able to fulfill that dream but my core purpose of helping others is still the same."

The second young person turned bullying into a positive and at the age of only 13 stood in front of thousands and told his story in the form of a unique rap. Watch it here (and get the happy hankies ready):

To turn a negative into a positive you must look into the learnings behind the situation that you can take. Keep a gratitude diary and spend time being grateful for the negative, what it has taught you, how it can help you to inspire others or motivate yourself, what do you need to do differently for next time, and what does your response to it say about you?

When life has given you something, it's up to you to decide how to react.