Ever felt lonely, despite the ability to connect to others at the touch of a button? Internet dating, Facebook friends and smart phones connecting us to the world 24/7 can lead us into a false impression that we are connected, we are not alone, but is this way of communicating really that good for us? It seems that many of us don't make time for real relationships, instead 'liking', 'commenting' or conversing with people we may never even meet. We can do this in an instant, and we don't have to schedule in time from our busy lives. If we do connect with others in real time we may also run the risk of having to tell...wait for it...the truth!! Or worse, have nothing to say at all, because the truth is, we don't make time for anything but work...and Facebook!

In today's society, as we connect by looking at the best of what others choose to show us, we would be forgiven for comparing ourselves to others and feeling like we aren't quite good enough, and as time goes on we are in danger of forgetting all the things that we do have to talk about. Our anxiety around having a real conversation and indeed, from being real...stops us from reaching out, from saying, you know what, life isn't so great right now, and actually, I could do with a hug (a real one). I wonder if you did, would you find others who feel and think exactly the same things as you?

Brene Brown did an amazing talk on the power of being vulnerable, where she talks about a piece of research that she did that changed her life WATCH IT HERE. If you don't have time, she talks about the importance of connecting. She says "connection gives purpose to our lives" and what underpins that is vulnerability. She found that the people who have a stronger sense of love and belonging believe they are worthy of connection, and those who have that sense of worthiness fully embraced vulnerability and believe that what made them vulnerable was what made them beautiful.

So pick up the phone, call someone, and talk.... really talk. I am all for looking at the positive, but if you are masking something that needs to come out, you have to acknowledge that to deal with it.

                                             Be brave, be beautiful.

Apparently today is 'blue Monday' aka, the most depressing day of the year. According to some intensive calculations and the marketing guy at Sky travel, the date was calculated by using many factors including weather conditions, debt level, time since Christmas, time since failing our new year's resolutions, low motivational levels and feeling of a need to take action. According to real-life scientists, this is a load of rubbish!

The fact is, a Monday is a Monday..it never did anything to anyone, it really should be a day we all wake up excited for a fresh start, a new week...why does Monday get such a rough deal? Now when I was working in a cubicle filing my nails, Tuesday's were harder. The boat had left the shore and there was no going back, but the other side seemed so very far away. Now of course, I love Monday's, and Tuesday's are, erm, the same day with a different name.

Let's face it - any day of the week is what we make of it...what we think of it. 

Life is what we make it...and (in my opinion) blue is a very calming colour!

Always be brave, always be beautiful...whatever the day!

I have just booked a holiday, the kind of holiday I have never booked before....an all inclusive week long spa break. I have almost always gone away in search of something; adventure, creativity, exploration (of self and the world), romance, culture, learning....but now I know all this is available on my own doorstep I feel less of a need for a holiday and strangely, I feel like I need to need this kind of holiday! 

This got me thinking and in a recent survey I did in my own head, it seems that many people reach a certain point, let's call it a breaking point, and decide they need a holiday. The ten main reasons for going on holiday, according to the aforementioned survey, were as follows;

1) Need to get away from work/life stress
2) To relax
3) To get quality time with loved ones
4) Habit - "we always get away at this time of year."
5) A break from the norm
6) A new experience/different culture
7) To have some fun - nightlife, a sporting event, or just an adventure.
8) To get some sun/a tan (so that you can feel happy/look healthy)
9) It's on my bucket list - "I've always wanted to go there."
10) Facebook is showing that everyone else is doing it and I need some new pics to get everyone jealous.

Check out this video - is this you or someone you know?

The funny thing about holidays is that sometimes booking them seems to add stress. For example, people often book their two week break, and then spend months telling others (before and after) that they can't afford anything else because they have just paid for/been on their holidays (which of course must include a whole new wardrobe and toiletry stock up). There are also those that worry about their work, either before they go, desperately trying to tie up ALL lose ends (they can't possibly delegate), or whilst away, or when they come back to hundreds of emails. This kind of thinking is what makes some believe they can't take a break at all.

So how can you get the same results that a holiday gives you, without actually going on holiday?

Here are my top tips for getting away from it all, without actually getting away:

1) Make the most of your free time - don't just come home on a Friday night and eat dinner in front of the TV. Plan a date night; a quick drink after work or a dinner date does not cut into your chill out time, it's part of it!
2) Schedule in a couple of hours at the weekend or an evening in the week to do something for you. Get creative, read a book quietly in a cafe, or simply sit in a warm bath. Make sure other people are aware this is happening and it's for you... not to get away from them, but to reconnect with yourself. Equally, schedule in quality time with loved ones - a lift to football practice or food shopping with your partner does not count!
3) Think good thoughts and you really don't notice the rain...and share that with others, smile at strangers.
4) Have a themed night in. Mexico, Italy, France, Asia..get everyone to bring a dish using unusual fruit and veg, get dressed up, find some tunes, decorate the dining room, rent a relevant movie...bring the culture to you.
5) Once a month turn a weekend into an adventure - jump on a random bus, stick your finger on a map, make a list of places you want to go and can get to, put the ideas in a hat and pick one, or simply take a walk and get off the beaten track. The key here is to be excited about what you might discover.
6) Have a night out with the girls - slap on some fake tan and bust out the summer time tunes as you get glammed up.
7) Focus on what you have got - I've said it before and I'll say it again, grateful people are so much happier than those always chasing something else. Write a gratitude dairy every couple of days and reflect when needed.
8) Relax - meditate, swim, do a yoga/mindfulness class, have a lay in... whatever works for you, do it...and do it often.
9) Really look at things around you in wonder - see things differently and you will find many wonders already in your world.
10) Be silly - letting your hair down isn't just for children or when alcohol is involved. Go dance in the kitchen and sing in the street!

BONUS TIP - Love what you do. (And if you don't love what you do, get a coach. OK, so I'm biased, but some of the most successful people I know have had help to unpack their suitcase full of overwhelm and feel free without having to take flight.)

Please feel free to comment and share. What is your top tip for getting the same feeling a holiday gives without going away?

Today is apparently the day that many of us fall off the resolution wagon - the quitting smoking, the exercise regime, the half an hour job search per day, the sweeties vs. salad, all gets a little bit harder today, and so we stop...and the reasons start.

This year, perhaps it's time to focus on a different kind of resolution, one's that you can commit to and incorporate into your life more easily that you may think:

1) Appreciate what you have - always comparing to others? Wishing you had more? Grateful people are happier people are more successful people - step back and see all you have and all that you are, and take the time to appreciate life for what it is now.
2) Decide on what you want and commit to making it happen - saying you don't know what you want is a form of procrastination is a form of fear. Dare to dream, ask yourself what you really want, and go for it.
3) Stop complaining - start doing. How long have you put up with that job you hate, that boss that gets on your nerves, that commute to work, that friend that only takes, that lack of funds, that leaky roof... whether a new job or a new roof, you can fix it, you just have to start taking action. Now.
4) Connect with the people that matter, distance yourself from the ones that don't - old friends and family may always be there, but make the time to appreciate them, pick up the phone, say hi...it may make someone's day, even yours. By the same token, if you are not getting what you need from a relationship, either accept it for what it is, or walk away.
5) Be honest - you are only lying to yourself. 
6) Be kind to yourself - you wouldn't speak to others the way you speak to yourself, and you are the most important person in your world, watch what you are saying, you are listening and creating negative emotions that can easily be replaced with a few kind words.
7) Let go - Rid yourself of old things e.g. old clothes that remind you you used to be better, old relationships that remind you you used to be worse. You are perfect as you are now.
8) See the positive. Negative emotions empty your day of joy, and can often stop you from seeing opportunities. Feeling guilty about something that is not your problem, feeling sad about something that happened twenty years ago, worrying about something that might (but probably won't) happen next week...take a different perspective, and see the positive.
9) Cross (at least) one thing off your bucket list - no bucket list?? Write one. Learn something newCan't afford to travel, sky dive, bungee jump? Do it for charity. There is always a way.
10) Be in the moment - there are so many distractions in life; smart phones, Facebook, TV. By all means, be part of the modern world, but if a catch up with an old friend is spent communicating with someone else on social media you need to re-evaluate what is important before you lose what truly matters.
 

Do feel free to comment and share - what would be your top tip for making 2014 even better?

Have you ever found yourself going round and round in circles, having the same conversations and getting the same tired results? Have you vowed this year will be different? Well keep reading!

In a *survey done last year only 1 in 4 of 3000 interviewed was confident to maintain his or her resolve, and statistics show that most have given up by day 9 (that's 3 days away!).  But note, the key word here - confidence. People were asked this question before the New Year had even kicked in, and 3 out of 4 didn’t believe then that they would succeed. *http://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/294421/How-most-New-Year-resolutions-end-today

So here are the top 4 mistakes that people make when setting goals:

1)      Write down your goal and take a look at it. Is it focusing on what you want…or on what you don’t want? When I work with clients I always ask them what they want to achieve by utilizing a coach, and almost without exception they spend ten minutes telling me what they don’t want, so I ask them again, and they look at me, confused by the crazy who is just repeating the same question. You must focus on what you want, but many focus on what they don’t want. So here’s the thing, if I say, I don’t want to smoke any more, what do you have to think about? Yep, smoking. Our brain needs direction, and where attention goes, energy flows, so if you are thinking more about what you don’t want, than what you do, then that is most likely what you will get.

2)      Mistake number two is that people are not really clear, hence are not creating a compelling goal. Let me explain. Perhaps you say you want to lose weight, or get a new job, or find a partner…quite often people state they just want to be happy, or more successful, or more positive or more confident. My question then is, so that you can do what? When you get more specific you allow yourself to get excited, which is motivating you to start looking for opportunities and take the action you need to take. If you are having difficulty getting really clear, it may be because there is a limiting belief or fear at a deeper level that is stopping you. You need to learn what is holding you back and how to unlearn those old beliefs. So check your goal – how detailed is it, do you have a date of when you want to achieve it by, do you have a picture of what that looks like, and how will you feel when you get it?

3)      Mistake number three, is that people don’t make their goals a priority. They tell everyone this is what they want, but do nothing to make it happen. Why? They’re too busy with other things, other people, other goals, work, fun, Facebook, sleeping. If your goal is not your priority, there is a chance you won’t get it. Shift you to the top of the list to get what you want, now…which leads to mistake number 4.

4)      The goal is not for you. What I mean is, it is based on things you feel you should do, rather than what you really want to do. Let’s say you really, deep down, have always wanted to do more creative work, but you are going for promotion in the accounting firm you have been working in for the past ten years. You are comfortable in this job, and the next logical step is going for that promotion, so your goal for the new year is to get that promotion. But you don’t really want it. Maybe at some level you are doing it to make your parents proud, somewhere along the way you picked up a belief that you cannot make money by being creative, maybe you are doing it because you think your partner wants you to bring in more money, but maybe that belief just comes from you, for example, if you had more money you’d have more self worth or your partner would value you more? If you are not doing it for you, if it doesn’t match your values and beliefs at a deeper level, then you may find that you sabotage your chances of success, without realising it.

Have you recognised any of these patterns of behaviour so far? *When you identify the steps you need to take to get really focused and clear on what you really want for you, you can gain clarity and identify what has been holding you back, so that you can overcome it and get what you want. 

                                                                         Be brave, be beautiful.

I'd love your comments and do feel free to share - what is your goal for 2014?