Many people live life at effect - you know the people who place blame outside of self. All the good stuff, of course you created that, but the bad stuff...not me, that was because of my boss, the economy, my parents, my kids, my finances, the government. How can that be??
When you move to cause you have more power...more control. You can choose your reaction, even if it is a negative reaction you can be happy knowing it was the reaction you needed at the time, or you can learn from it and change it for next time.
Thinking you have no control can make you feel helpless and overwhelmed, so maybe it's time to change your mind:
1. Notice your thoughts
If 90% of what we do is done unconsciously, then how conscious are you of the every day habitual instructions, the ones that you give to yourself to get through your day in a way that makes sense to you. We think that we are aware of the every day thoughts we have, the loud, really conscious ones that might be a reminder to do something, or a reminder that we have failed in our latest goal (the verbal internal beat up, the constant analysis/creation of a problem) but we have between 70'000-90'000 thoughts in a day. Now do you think you are conscious of all of them?
The unconscious mind is the part we trust to take control once something becomes a habit, so most of us don't have to be reminding ourselves how to walk every time we take a step...that would be exhausting. So what else has become a habit to you that you don't have to remind yourself to do? Perhaps just thinking that you have no control has become an unconscious habit, thereby making sure you put yourself in situations every day to prove yourself right i.e choosing controlling partners.
Notice your thoughts - no one else can control them.
2. Know where you are going
Perhaps you think that this one is easier said than done, this is perhaps because you are not allowing yourself to dream big, you are holding yourself back, and this may well be because of a negative emotion, such as fear, linked with a limiting belief, such as 'that kind of thing doesn't happen to me'. It may be true, it doesn't happen to you, because you are not making it happen. You'll know more when you start to notice your thoughts (1) and can start to change them to better serve you. (Get support with your free un-rutify me e-book).
So what would you do if whatever you think is holding you back, wasn't there? Whatever you thought of, make that your goal now. When you know where you are going you can take that goal and work backwards, create mini-goals, reach each one and celebrate each milestone. If you didn't reach it when you hoped you would, reflect on that journey and think about why - now you know what to change for the next time.
Success doesn't happen overnight, even when the media report these 'over night' successes, there is a back story of failure.
If someone else has done it, you can do it....you just have to believe it.
When we are in a relaxed state we are much more resourceful, we notice opportunities and also notice when even more good stuff has happened in our day. Think about it, if you were driving at 3000 revs per minute...life would be going pretty fast, but what happens when you put your foot on the brakes?
When you are in a negative state, you are consumed by those thoughts and that situation, making it difficult to notice that there really is light at the end of the tunnel and you can take steps towards it now.
Schedule time for you into your day, into your week, and into your month. Even doing 5 minutes of meditation at the end of your day can help. Using tools to remind yourself to relax during your day are as easy and subtle as squeezing your finger and thumb together, and unlearning the habits that have created the stress and the feeling of 'stop the world I want to get off' can be done in 3 weeks (such is the time it takes a habit to form).
I'd love your comments: