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No Limits

12/3/2019

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The saying goes that the only limits we have are the ones we set for ourselves, the ones we believe. Of course, some limits are harder to overcome, when we perceive that something is hard it usually is, but the question is, is it possible? If someone else has done it, usually the answer is yes. For some it may take longer to achieve… beliefs may be ingrained a little deeper and getting past the people who say you can’t may take longer to break free from. I will always remember a young man who wanted to do an apprenticeship that I worked with whilst doing career engagement work; he hadn’t done well at school, it wasn’t the right learning environment for him, but he was a practical and enthusiastic worker when it came to the idea of being a builder. I took him into my office where we did a CV, these pieces of paper really are a powerful tool to instil confidence when done right. We talked and I wrote, I translated what he told me into professional words that were totally accurate, and at the end he puffed right up, full of pride, recognising himself, words taken from his examples that I could back up, but also unsure whether it was OK to be that person somehow. When I took him home, he showed his mum, who read the first line and immediately ridiculed him. “You…hard working?!” she said, laughing. And that was that. Negatives are four times stronger than positives, and so much easier to believe. So yes, some people must fight a little harder, some people may need more time, more money, more confidence…but if you believe something it possible, then it is, and you just have to find a way. The perfect way for you.

Which is why, on the International Day of Disabled Persons I wanted to acknowledge all the people whose starting block may seem a little further back because of health issues that create difficulties, but who not only join the race, but steam past all of the people who say they can’t, because quite simply they believe in themselves.
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From personal experience I see every day the difficulties that a child who is different to other children manages that kind of set back, and it inspires me. I am inspired as she plays in the playground, with no judgement of other children she tries to latch on, tries to make friends, and her unawareness of personal space and the fact she looks and speaks differently to them make others shy away, often curious but keeping a distance. Sometimes I see a look pass her face, which neither she nor I can fully explain, but it’s a knowing. She knows she is different, but she keeps trying. I asked her once what she wants to be when she grows up, she said she wanted to be herself. I thought that the perfect answer. Now she says a doctor, or a police officer, like any child she has aspirations, and because I don’t believe in limitations either I suspect that by the time she really decides I will help her get there.
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​A few weeks ago, I met Ariadne; she was the chattiest of all the children I have met on the #giraffedreams project, her confidence shone out of her like rays of sunshine as she rocked and rolled in front of the camera with Taylor Swift as her inspiration. Not only was she aware of her disability but she was passionate about being involved in the project to raise awareness, not only amongst her peers, and others with disabilities, but to reach as far as possible to let all adults know that they shouldn’t let anything stop them from achieving what they want.
Whenever I question myself, these are the people I want to remember and pay attention to.

Here is an amazingly simple way of shifting perspective to help you achieve your goals.
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Think about the person who has achieved a goal that you would like to achieve. Really see them, perhaps hear them, you may know them, but they could just as easily be celebrities or well-known people that you aspire to. When you really have them in your mind, think about their personal qualities that they have that you could work on and improve – what do they have that you think you don’t? The term fake it until you make it applies to a degree, what if you acted as if you have those qualities, how would that look, sound and feel like for you? Would you stand taller, smile more, give random compliments. Would your voice be a little louder, or softer? Would you make more time, be more grateful or present? And what piece of advice would that person give to you, if you were to know, that would help you to move forward?
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Take that advice now. Be your own hero and go achieve your dreams. There really are no limits.
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Finding your thing and following your dreams

10/18/2019

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From a young age there is a ‘pressure’ to find your thang. THE thing that is yours, and yours alone. The thing that means you wake up every day longing to do it and have to force yourself to sleep at night because you are so busy in the throes of passion that is not of the bedroom variety. When you are really little you are allowed to dream. The adults ask, ‘what do you want to be when you grow up?’ and (generally) you are allowed to say anything you want.


​Of course, your knowledge of what is available to you is limited to ‘unrealistic’ jobs, like an astronaut or pilot, actor, singer, or dancer, to the traditionally ‘professional’ roles of a teacher, a fire fighter, a police officer, a doctor or lawyer. Whatever you say to your elders at this point is likely to be met with encouragement. This kid has ambition, they think, and who am I to crush their dreams with the harsh realities of working life…and if you were a really intuitive kid you may have noticed how they stared off wistfully into the nothingness of their old dreams, but probably, intuitive or not, you had already turned back to the amazing game you just made up, living the life of imagination and magic, owning a business, building forts or clubs, making perfume with roses, painting your next abstract number or writing a play (that you will also star in later of course!).

Fast forward a few years and the pressure starts. The teachers say you must have an idea; you think you have no idea. Your parents are worried you’ll end up on the dole; you’re worried you’ll end up like them. Your friends all seem to know where they are going; you want to go and hide under the duvet.
Fast forward a few more years – you followed the traditional path, the path you ‘should have’ taken (according to those who came before you, instilling their fears of the harsh reality of life onto you). You did pretty well actually, so why don’t you feel fulfilled? You earn OK, you manage to live and socialise, so why then do you still think you are searching for that moment, the aforementioned ‘light bulb moment’?

The truth of the matter is that a career is anything you want it to be. Gone are the days of staying in one profession until you are retired for that gold watch photo opportunity, but with so many new opportunities comes overwhelm. If you are feeling unfulfilled and restless, confused and frustrated it’s time to start getting clear…because this is definitely not the life you ordered when you were younger.

This week I met a girl who didn’t want my advice, she was sixteen and had plenty of support from those who know her. She had a love of horticulture and a plan to study it one day, just for fun, but for now it was all about law because this was a more ‘sensible’ career choice. When I asked her if she would want to work in horticulture she replied, no, it would probably get boring just weeding after a while. Internally I scratched my head with a puzzled frown, because I know about the opportunities and scope to expand in the sector that goes far  beyond ‘weeding’. The decision had been made, for now, and it was made a long time ago so it becomes too scary to unmake it…even at sixteen. But it’s never too late. Understanding what is truly driving us, motivating us, filling us up and fuelling our passions may be just another hobby we don’t have time for as we focus on getting the grades or bringing in an income but we can choose to make changes anytime.
 
In a picturesque small town to the east of the Brecon Beacons lives a quietly inspiring lady named Lynne Allbutt, not only the first person to run the width of Wales barefoot but someone who walks her talks, baring all in her auto-biography (and in fund-raising calendars) and a BBC presenter to boot with some awe-inspiring celebrity interviews under her belt. ‘” When anyone asked what I did, I would cheerfully reply, “which day are you interested in?”’ she says.

What is special about Lynne’s success is that it is all linked to her deep love and respect of the great outdoors. Whilst she left school under a cloud of limited attendance and a challenging home life, she maintained an entrepreneurial focus that kept her moving forward. 
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Lynne craved independence and didn’t take no for an answer, she knocked on doors and picked up odd jobs, gradually building up to running her own garden design business. The opportunities that presented just because she was, and still is, following her passion were seemingly limitless. Lynne wrote “Let go of your fear and risk finding happiness. I believe we are taught to attain and retain. We are taught to work hard to get those qualifications, that job, spouse, house and then work harder to keep it all.” She says ‘“It only takes a second to change your mind, a few seconds to change your belief and those shifts will change your entire life. Choose to be happy. Choose to follow your dream. Choose it now.”’
 
Sometimes you need to step outside, get some air and remind yourself of who you are and who you want to be. 

Some excerpts taken from ‘When I Grow Up I Want to Be a Giraffe – the career guide for not so grown ups’  - taking you back to who you used to be to help reignite your passions. 

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I want to be a gardener because outside is fresh air, and more fun than working, outside you can spot birds and look at all the flowers - Rosa, aged 6
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Reflect, rethink, reboot

8/27/2019

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​A few years ago a friend told me during a catch up that her son, aged 4, had told her, when I grow up I want to be a giraffe. There were no recent giraffe references, nor were there any giraffes (toys or otherwise) in the room.  Her response, quite naturally, was that he couldn’t be a giraffe because this is an animal, and he is a boy – language and limitations learnt in one foul swoop. I started to wonder what his response would have been if she’d have asked him why?
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I’ve been a careers adviser and coach for over fifteen years, as well as working in communities and with private clients I work in schools and I am in the unique and, I think, privileged position to talk one to one with every single student in a school by the time they have reached 16; I talk to them about what motivates them, what they are afraid of, what they want to improve and what they want to achieve.  I have worked in areas of deprivation and areas of influence, and every young people predominately share the same feeling at one time or another…the feeling of not being confident to take the route that they have previously considered. During a workshop with high achieving post 16 students, the entire year group admitted to being scared of making the wrong choice with reasons for that fear ranging from it being the wrong university to it having a detrimental effect on their entire long-term happiness and existence. Recently a student I was working with told me I sounded like a Ted talk, so I applied for their 2019 'Reflect, Rethink, Reboot' event and was lucky enough to be short-listed and attended a workshop for speakers. This is what I am most passionate about:

When we reflect on our younger selves, we often don’t connect the dots as to who we were and who we are now but what motivated us then, our values, natural skills, interests and talents may well still be the same, or similar. I work with anyone from 15 to 50 plus; one story I love to reflect on is of a 60-year-old who wanted to change from the charity sector to being a comedian. Almost without fail a client will refer to their school days as having been the point where they changed their minds, and with it, their course in life. Having dreamt his entire young life of a creative career he took a safe route and regretted it. There’s a famous study done by a palliative nurse on the regrets of the dying, the top 5 included working too hard and choosing a life that others expected of them. Many of the people I work with already have that regret, they are not waiting until the end of their life to make changes and are looking to rethink their career path; studies show a massive 37% of people are not happy in their job in the UK, it could be worse, in the US it’s almost 60%.

When I’m working with a client, no matter their age, I often start with the question, what did you want to do when you were younger? Not only is it a way to take the pressure out of the now, but it allows us to remember a time we thought about careers more freely, and very often, the motivation behind the past ideas based on a knowledge of very few careers, can link to now. For example, a little boy who wants to be a superhero, may then want to be a police officer, may then end up being someone who gives people advice on housing. The link is a caring nature, and perhaps that boy will end up being someone’s hero, even if it is not as obvious and certainly, he may not know it.

What I want to do is change the world’s perception on what is possible… starting with us. The language we use, the opportunities we share, the actions and behaviours we present have the strongest influence on young people. The media are only just starting to change out dated adverts of women doing the child care and men fixing the house, during a recent study, girls, who, following a question on ‘tell me about yourself’ would identify with themselves via their looks and relationships, are now redefining themselves by now identifying in a similar way to boys, by sharing their skills and interests first.  Things appear to be changing, but at ground level, the biggest influencers are parents, carers, family, friends and teachers and the young people still have the same obstacles – a 15 year old I once met wanted to be a marine biologist, her face lit up when talking about science but she had already opted for accountancy and business because ‘it would be too hard to have a family as a marine biologist’, I’ve met too many students who were thoroughly depressed because they were trying so hard to become a doctor or lawyer, but academia was not their strength, the grades would simply not be met and the belief that they were not good enough was growing ever stronger, all because of unrealistic cultural expectations that could have been redirected to create an army of amazing, caring and practical people making a difference in their own way. I have met a fifteen year old boy who wanted to become a barber but was taking the academic route towards engineering because otherwise his friends would laugh at him – I’m grateful to say this one did follow his passions, but an hour with me is generally not enough to follow dreams when outside of my office is a world that says we should be doing something else. What society are we creating to put this pressure on young people, the society where we work hard to get a good job to buy a home and have a family? We need to recognise that life has changed and our aspirations may not be those of our next generation.
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I could get political here, I could talk about social mobility, about funding cuts to schools, about how creative subjects are being taken off the curriculum whilst emphasis is put on English, Maths and Science. But I won’t mention all that. We can create change and reboot as a nation, we simply need to reflect on how we communicate, with ourselves first and foremost, we can have results or reasons and every time we point fingers we have three pointing back at us. What we tell the next generation is important, ask them why and tell them they can, then find a way. Language used with young people that can install beliefs and behaviours, beliefs that can have the power to create or the power to destroy.  Let’s get creative, remember the time when our imagination was used for joy and play, rather than control and anxieties? If we, as adults, can get back to that, then we can redefine what is possible for ourselves and recreate our story and in doing so, reboot the possibilities for our future generation.

Please feel free to comment or get in touch to find out more and if you want to follow the #giraffedreams project you can find me on Instagram @holsamlife
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What to do when your perfect job isn’t so perfect

9/19/2018

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We are generally taught from a young age that we should aspire to ‘be’ something. No one mentions emotions at this time; this actually means ‘what job do you want to do?’ - it ‘shouldn’t’ be an aspiration to be happy of course, it is more expected that you will be a doctor, teacher, lawyer, marketer, or business owner. Happiness is secondary at this point; perhaps we even think this job will make us happy.

People often feel unfulfilled in their work though, they are not content or satisfied with their direction, their job is not connecting with their true self, and they do not feel aligned with the position they find themselves in as an adult.

But what happens when you are actually working in the job you dreamt of, and yet the dream is to leave?
Dream jobs are exactly that, unless your job is made to measure and you can delegate the rest, there will always be a part of the elephant we do not want to swallow, but it isn’t until we find ourselves in that position that we realise this. The job is great but the team are tedious, your boss is bossy, and the higher up you go, the more you earn and the less you see your life outside of work to spend that hard earned cash. You like being busy but you don’t like admin, you enjoy presenting but hate people, you want to be your own boss but can’t afford to boss anyone… the list goes on. But you can’t possibly leave your job, there’s security, comfort in the uncomfortable, you know it here, and anyway, this is your DREAM JOB… so this is just how it is.

Goals should be flexible

It is easy to believe that there is one fixed path for us all – I work with young people and I see it unfold, starting with the question ‘what do you want to be when you grow up?’
I recently asked my eight year old step-daughter this same question; she said she wanted to be herself. What a perfect answer. Wouldn’t it be great to just know you are being your true self?

Our unconscious mind is yearning for direction, so giving ourselves something positive to aim towards is essential, as is being flexible around the goal we set. Life evolves and so do we, we learn new things, have new experiences, meet new people and go to new places, and we become a newer version of ourselves with every waking moment. Realigning with those changes and adapting our goals accordingly is part of the career path – it is no longer a straight line, a choice between Boots or the bank, it is a learning curve of life, and more often a total squiggle to whatever your definition of success is.  Quite possibly the dream you had aged 5 is not the dream you have aged 45.

Goals need to align with your deeper values and beliefs

The problem with a job that is unfulfilling is often the feeling of fulfillment, rather than the job itself. A job alone cannot have sole responsibility for giving you a sense of fulfillment, the whole picture should be taken into account. Is it really the whole job, or just a part of it, or perhaps you are simply not living the life you imagined, perhaps you expected this ‘dream’ job to give you a complete happiness that you have never fully felt? And what if this job matches all your skills and interests, and perhaps you even have all the necessary qualifications and experience, and yet this sense of anxiety that you’ll mess it up, get it wrong or simply aren’t good enough for it is eating you up inside on a Sunday night and giving you dread on a Monday morning.

90% of what we do is done unconsciously and essentially, habits are created by repetition, so as we grow up we learn; we learn our language, and acceptable behaviours in the society and culture around us, we learn how to walk and how to talk, and we form values and beliefs, sometimes taught by others, always learnt by us…somehow, from somewhere, our own experiences or from the experience of those around us.

There are many skills tests and personality to career matching tests, my personal favourite for quick, fun yet scarily accurate results is this one - https://icould.com/buzz/ (if you decide to do it the career sector matches are to the right of the results page, and I’d love to know what you think!) but whether starting out at thirteen or realigning at thirty these are merely an indication of where your personality could thrive.

Without the belief that you can you may lack motivation to try (and that includes getting up again if it doesn’t work out the first time), and without that you may never reach your full potential or experience that fulfilment you are chasing. 
And so you are unable to see that your dream job is everything you wanted it to be (with a bit too much admin that will teach you organisation and a bossy boss that will teach you inner strength) and you think that the only way to change is to change your job.

As Gandhi once said ‘your beliefs become your thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your values, your values become your destiny’.
If you think your job is unfulfilling then it will be. This concept can of course be applied to life and relationships too.

So before you run or take a leap, really check in with yourself.
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September is ingrained in us as a start of a new year because of our many years in education (note; repetition), and autumn is truly a fantastic time for change, but before you create that change, ask yourself ‘what will quitting give me, and can I find this some other way?’ If you can come up with some exciting answers then start putting your plan in place, create some side goals and make your move if this still appears to be right for you, but listen to your inner voice, is it supporting you or holding you back from what you truly want now that you are today’s version of you?

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Want world peace? Start with inner...

12/1/2016

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Think globally, act locally - a saying coined by business woman Estee Lauder, or so I believed, until I Googled it and found there is a debate on this, which led me to finding this twist on it:

"One of the more famous of these adaptations was made by Mother Teresa. When she received the Nobel Peace Prize in 1979, she was subjected to the inevitable press interviews. In one, she was asked, “What can we do to promote world peace?” Her brilliant reply had six words:
“Go home and love your family.”..
While “world peace” is a global issue that no single person can resolve, every person who learns to love and be loved in a family unit is one less insecure and angry soul. One less person inclined to lash out and hurt someone else. One less human being willing to see others suffer without taking action to help them…To love people is to pay attention to them.
Want to change the world? Now you know where to start".


It has been a crazy couple of months in the world; 2016 will definitely go down in history, and what the future holds, who knows. Be careful paying too much attention to the predictions of the scaremongers out there though (quite often our press and media which is more ingrained in us than you might realise). British psychologist Dr Graham Davey specialises in studying the effects of negative news on our lives and has warned that, as well as making us anxious, sad and depressed (especially if we’re already prone or predisposed), negative news directly impacts how we interpret and interact with the world around us. We have a natural negative news bias that causes us to focus primarily on the bad, however dreadful that makes us feel. We perceive the world to be a worse place than it is, real threats cause us to see more where perhaps they don’t exist. That's not to say, ignorance is bliss, although it can be, but being mindful and educated is key, and continuing to take action by doing positive things about what you care about is key - pick up the litter, share a kind word with work colleagues or strangers, volunteer...sitting at home getting angry never helped anyone.

The morning I woke up to the recent social media shit storm that was a re-enactment of Brexit multiplied I noticed a common theme amongst my friends - ‘what do I tell my children?’ I will stress now that I am no politician, but I know people, so here’s what I say to that:

Negativity is four times stronger than positivity, but our thoughts and reactions are ours. Whilst we cannot control the world’s choices, we can take control of our own. Recent world political events have highlighted the fundamental of what is wrong with our world, and we can be grateful for the opportunity to show our children, who incidentally (and definitely) are our future, that the media are not always right, and that being kind, respecting other people’s opinions, and staying true to our own, is OK.
There is much fear in our world today. Conspiracy theories, big brother, cyber attacks, nuclear weapons, and wars we do not understand, and perhaps never will. If you are in the lucky position of educating the next generation to be kind, thoughtful, honest, and respectful, then take that opportunity and do all you can with it.
As adults, we are so busy, stressed, unhappy, and pointing fingers, while we neglect to notice the three pointing back at us. Ignorance may indeed be bliss sometimes, but in two corners of the western world at least, the problems have been highlighted via politics. We can say ‘racism/sexism has won’ or we can be the change we wish to see in the world and take the negative feedback and find a way to move forward doing things differently/more positively.
Trump connected with a wider audience, and the ‘them vs. us’ divide is clear – people can think life is not fair, that they deserve more, and yet are not educated to know that they can create this for themselves. Happiness starts inside. That is what I teach my children.
I work a lot with young people to raise aspirations, and still, sometimes they do not see what is possible for them. You can help. We can take this information in recent politics, and look within ourselves – how did we create this? How can we take responsibility? And how can we change it?
So if you are asking yourself, what do I tell my kids, tell them this – look for the good in people, in situations, find the feedback and always, always be kind. I love this advent calendar to help with ideas.

Which brings me onto Christmas, which is just around the corner (less than a month, so I am pretty sure that's the green light to talk about it). 'It' being the whole season, it is not just a day. It being a perfect opportunity to practice kindness, and in the words of Mother Theresa, at the least, 'go home and love your family.' And by family, I mean your community, or close friends too. We can choose to notice the commercialism and consumer culture that plays a part in Christmas, or focus on all we don't have yet (my family aren't perfect, I'm single and alone type thing), or we can choose to do it differently and find the magic in the best season to be jolly. 
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If you would like to learn how to give yourself all you deserve and have a more positive outlook on life through coaching please do get in touch for your free consultation - http://www.holsamlifecoaching.com/contact.html
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Lessons from a long walk

9/28/2016

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The seasons seem to have changed here in the UK in the blink of an eye, like an overnight success we knew was coming and yet it still seems so sudden.

But I do so love the change in seasons as much as the change in the colour of the leaves, and an excuse to change the things that the summer sun didn't work it's miracles on, hence being fully booked with lovely new clients right now I suspect.

For those of you reading this for a healthy dose of motivation and inspiration I've got a big one for you, all about a recent challenge I set myself and the people I met along the way, and within all that, a reminder on how to set yourself free from your own challenges.

A few months ago I read a book that inspired me to Google 'walks in Europe'. Between me and you, I was hoping for something with a pool I could do the occasional day walk from, but what came up as number one was the 'El Camino', which runs between France and Northern Spain. I'm acutely aware that life is short, and if I am going to do something, I want to do the best I can, so I started saying out loud that this is something I might do, to get used to the idea, but also, to make myself accountable (it's harder to back out of things when you tell other people you'e doing it!). In doing this I found a fellow walker buddy, and so it was on!

Now the whole thing is 750km, and we opted to do the last 113km; it was enough for me and it felt good to get my travel shoes back on, although the back pack took a little more getting used to in the heat of Spain!

You may have read me referring to the uncomfortable comfort zone, the one many live in where their head is in the sand and they're effectively on their knees, unhappy with life but stuck in changing it because it's so familiar/comfortable, in an uncomfortable way...anyway, I don't live in that, but I do have a comfort-zone of course, and I love my comfort-zone, but I still see the value of stepping out of it and challenging myself to learn something new, and this 'holiday' was definitely that.

Doing something like this reminded me to be grateful, even for the little things; a bed to lay my head after a long day, noticing the detail in nature, taking in the smells of roasting pine forests, as well as the sight of a sun-rising on a new day. Appreciating different cultures, yet the same language in acts of kindness, and the caress of a breeze on a hot, sunny day.

Along the route we met many people, doing the same walk, often in a different way. Some for 6 days, some for 6 weeks, some carrying a day pack, some a backpack and some had the weight of the world on their shoulders. Everyone of us, although in the same boat, walked to our own beat, doing the journey how we chose, taking on what we wanted to endure, and how we handled it was also a choice. Some did it alone, lost in thoughts, I'd sometimes overhear them talk to strangers about how they were driving themselves mad in their minds; some did it in groups, old and new friends alike, gaining momentum as they gained support. Some did it for someone who couldn't, some did it for themselves, when they'd been told by doctors they wouldn't; old, young, big, small, mothers with their newborn babies, mothers who'd left their 'babies' at home for some quality alone/daddy time... we walked together, and along the way we all wished each other a 'buen camino'  - a good journey.
The lessons were many:
Be accountable
Get support
Be yourself
Share
Believe
Enjoy the journey, as much as the destination

But one of the most interesting lessons/reminders that I want to share with you, was the fact we are all free to do that, to do anything really. Yes, we can talk about physical restrictions, such as jobs, mortgages, money, health, family...but know that our limitations always have a way around them, if it is important enough. And then it becomes a mental restriction, and knowing that, in of itself, can free you from all the 'shoulds/can't's/wishes' because you are in control. When you decide what you really want to work towards, you can find a way to make that happen, can you not?
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As we venture into the last quarter of 2016 revisit your goals, get clear on the positive direction you are moving in, work out what is working (and what is not), what you want and how you can make the tweaks and changes to live your best life. Live your life in the amazing way you deserve.

Remember, be brave, be beautiful.
All comments are welcome...
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A referen dumb?

6/24/2016

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Was staying in the EU like staying in the wrong relationship?

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It isn't often that I post about politics (as in, never)  but waking up this morning and switching on my social media channels I was hit with a wall of negativity that crumbled as if hit by a tsunami, getting me full in the face and stabbing me in the heart. 

My friends and family shared post after post, using words like, angry, sad, disappointed and afraid... and I felt it too. Why? Because they were feeling it. because we are going into the unknown. The negative energy behind their words was creating a fear and sadness in me, where in truth, my life as it is right now is just as great as it was yesterday.


The simple fact is, we don't know what will happen, we can only listen to predictions and buy into them.  Which ones we buy into is our choice, and this choice will determine our actions. Another choice we made was electing a party in the UK who was promising a referendum on the EU leave or remain campaign. We chose this....did we choose it so we could keep things as they are? I doubt it.

Whilst I myself voted remain, the percentage of the leave/remain results was about as clear as I was on my decision. I ignored the majority of the campaign from the politicians on both sides, because I felt that both sides largely tapped into the UK's fears and angers, and I honestly could see positives in both choices. 

The simple fact is that the EU and the UK was a relationship that wasn't working as it should, where the majority of people are happy about it; David Cameron spoke on behalf of the nation to try to make it work, and the EU could not compromise enough to maintain the relationship.

So I reflect on relationships that I have been in that have not worked; I have tried to resolve our differences first, but if my partner cannot meet my needs or compromise to a point that I am happy, I have walked away. Does that mean I have walked away to be completely alone in the world, no! Of course I still have a support network. Have I turned into a quivering mess, no! I choose to take each relationship as feedback, not just on them, but on myself. I could worry about who or what is going to be affected, such as my financial situation or my loved ones, I could imagine myself alone and sad,  but I don't, I focus on what positives are likely to happen in the future as a result. I take my learnings, I say goodbye with love and respect, and I even maintain a sporadic contact that offers mutual support. My hope is that the UK can do the same, and certainly, as individuals, we can choose to find the positives in this change and be fundamental in making sure it is managed well.

The simple fact is, over half of the UK were unhappy, and as negativity is four times stronger than positivity, their unhappiness with the situation means that the situation cannot work for anyone in the long term. This result is not just about your relationship with the EU, but your relationship with each other. 

This is an opportunity for us to get things right; to learn and to do things better.

How many people stick with what they know because it feels safe? The uncomfortable comfort-zone. Be honest, have you ever stuck in a relationship you are not completely happy in? What about a job you don't like? And when you finally leave, which is inevitable, you'll wish you'd done it years before.

I am proud to be British and brave as we move forward together and change with the times. 

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What is NLP?

6/1/2016

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​What is NLP? What does it even stand for? It’s a catchy, roll off the tongue phase hey? NOT!!!
 
Let’s not focus on what it stands for or even what it means, let me share with you what it can do, that to me is the most important thing when I am working with clients around the globe and teaching others to become Ultimate Coaches.
 
With my understanding of the NLP processes, which is basically a step by step, follow the dots on how to achieve a better life kinda thing. Let me give you an example, I was recently working with a seven-year-old who is still wetting the bed, I followed the steps and after one 60-minute session, the child is dry and building in confidence. This has nothing to do with me really, it is the study of how others have over come the same problem and this is then extracted and popped into a handy follow the steps process. Sure you need to have an understanding of what is going on in the client’s neurology, you need to know how to get the client to relax with you, to play full out, to be themselves.
 
NLP is not magic, it is not some mystical tree hugging full moon stuff, it is easy and it just works. Whether we are helping a client to over come a fear, phobia, habit, addition, self sabotage, anxiety, depression and the list goes on, basically anytime a human being is doing something inside their mind that is unhelpful then NLP can generally, used well, help.
 
To the client it does seem like magic, they will say things like “If I had known it would be so simple then I would have come to see you years ago.” Sometimes they feel you have done something to them, but alas no, they have made the changes themselves, all you did was hold the remote control and hit the right buttons.
 
With NLP you can change your life, shape it and tweak it until you are living your ultimate life, you can also help others change theirs. I have been in personal development for 30 years and started my love affair with NLP in 2005, I felt like I had been given the key to the treasure chest, the ONE set of tools that can make real changes that last.
 
I set up my own company Your Life Live It in 2005 and encouraged other coaches to join me, get NLP’d and really help, not just thinking we are helping, but really changing lives one at a time. I now license my brand and help new coaches to get working as soon as possible, we supply a business in a box and do some hand holding. We now have 20 Coaches world wide and we are growing, many coaches come on our Ultimate Coaching course to get the real deal, to have the key to that treasure chest of change. Simple steps of excellence I like to call the real gig, most others might call it NLP.

Dr. Amanda Mortimer

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International Training Company, Your Life Live It is bringing 'The Ultimate Coach Course' to the UK and Holsam Life Coaching are lucky to be hosting it in Bristol. This is a unique, one-off opportunity to learn NLP and get three accredited certificates in NLP, Time Line Therapy and Coaching, and it is the best training I have experienced. Find out more and secure your place now. Simply go to the Ultimate Coach Course page and get in touch. Action takers discounts are available until end June!
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How to Change Your World

11/30/2015

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The last couple of weeks have been a scary and sad time if you listen to the news, and even if you don't, you are probably connected to someone who has told you what has been happening in the world.

Terrorists spread terror... and the media help them.This article is not about my political opinion but a change in perspective. 

Following from a recent talk I was asked what was different about NZ to the UK; for me, home is always where the heart is, where you stop and water the grass and smell the roses. The weather doesn't really matter when you are content, it didn't matter in NZ when it rained, we all went for bike rides or headed to the pub either way. One big difference was the people to space ratio, and what was clear in this situation was how easily energy is spread. Pack a lot of stressed, angry or fearful people together and the ones who have a happy disposition are likely to be affected.

And then there is the media. In the UK I noticed how much more they get into our minds, it's not just TV and newspapers, it's online - it seemed to me that more people in the UK are scared. Maybe this is because, abroad,  I had been surrounded by people who had felt the fear (or not) and done it anyway - in NZ I was surrounded by people who were travelling, who had given up the 9-5 and who were re-creating their lives and shaping them into how they wanted them to look without catching other people's mind virus and becoming afraid that they were doing something wrong, irresponsible or selfish.

We hear stories of terror, or of recession and job loss, and we become afraid and mistrusting, which ends up creating something worse. Of course there are occasional good news stories, but you have to look for them, and with negative energy being 4 times more powerful than positive, you'd have to look for a few to counter-balance. Just think of the emotion of anger, in comparison to the feeling of relaxation to notice the difference in energy each one has. 

When I came back from NZ I did a business profile interview for a newspaper, and in it I mentioned my observations - this was my first first-hand experience of editing. This comment was removed before the article went to press.
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My advice to you, to everyone, is look for the positive stories, the ones in your day, the ones in your world and beyond. This is not about ignorance being bliss, well, maybe a little, but when you are in a blissful state you change the world around you, and in some small way this helps to prevent wars - even if just the ones that break out in your world. I've said it before and I'll say it again, a simple way to do this? Keep a gratitude journal.

Today I read a story through social media that prompted me to write this, because it prompted me to think about my own experiences and I'm wondering if this prompts you to think of your own too -

 After learning my flight was detained 4 hours, I heard the announcement: If anyone in the vicinity of gate 4-A understands any Arabic, please come to the gate immediately.
Well—one pauses these days. Gate 4-A was my own gate. I went there.
An older woman in full traditional Palestinian dress, just like my grandma wore, was crumpled to the floor, wailing loudly.
Help, said the flight service person. Talk to her. What is her problem? We told her the flight was going to be four hours late and she did this.

I put my arm around her and spoke to her haltingly.
Shu dow-a, shu- biduck habibti, stani stani schway, min fadlick, sho bit se-wee?

The minute she heard any words she knew—however poorly used--
she stopped crying.

She thought our flight had been canceled entirely.
She needed to be in El Paso for some major medical treatment the
following day. I said no, no, we’re fine, you’ll get there, just late,

Who is picking you up? Let’s call him and tell him.
We called her son and I spoke with him in English.
I told him I would stay with his mother till we got on the plane and would ride next to her—Southwest.

She talked to him. Then we called her other sons just for the fun of it.
Then we called my dad and he and she spoke for a while in Arabic and found out of course they had ten shared friends.
Then I thought just for the heck of it why not call some Palestinian
poets I know and let them chat with her. This all took up about 2 hours.

She was laughing a lot by then. Telling about her life. Answering
Questions.

She had pulled a sack of homemade mamool cookies—little powdered sugar crumbly mounds stuffed with dates and nuts—out of her bag—and was offering them to all the women at the gate.
To my amazement, not a single woman declined one. It was like a
sacrament. The traveler from Argentina, the traveler from California,
the lovely woman from Laredo—we were all covered with the same
powdered sugar. And smiling. There are no better cookies.

And then the airline broke out the free beverages from huge coolers—non-alcoholic—and the two little girls for our flight, one African
American, one Mexican American—ran around serving us all apple juice and lemonade and they were covered with powdered sugar too.

And I noticed my new best friend—by now we were holding hands--
had a potted plant poking out of her bag, some medicinal thing,

With green furry leaves. Such an old country traveling tradition. Always carry a plant. Always stay rooted to somewhere.
And I looked around that gate of late and weary ones and thought,
this is the world I want to live in. The shared world.

Not a single person in this gate—once the crying of confusion stopped—has seemed apprehensive about any other person.
They took the cookies. I wanted to hug all those other women too.
This can still happen anywhere.

Not everything is lost.
- Naomi Shihab Nye (taken from Facebook)

Almost ten years ago I myself, got on my first long haul flight alone... and I had just fainted; I was disorientated, scared and wanted to go home, yet here I was going as far away from it as I could be. Yet in any moment, where I had thoughts of being alone, a stranger corrected me. The German girl who was sat next to me on the plane, the Spanish man who had seen me at the airport in London, approaching me to check I was OK in the middle of the Khao San Road, Thailand, the Thai man who made sure I had a safe place to stay. The gift of kindness from a stranger keeps giving, even now, ten years later, I remember them, am humbled by them, and can only hope I am remembered in such a way...sometimes.

These are the stories I want to know when the media paints a picture of a world full of hate, when I am afraid of a foreign stranger at the tube station, who is perhaps, just like I once was, a bit lost and feeling alone. 

I recently worked with a very logical man, an engineer, with a beautiful imagination and a creativity he had almost lost, who was prepared to do what it took to change his mind and achieve his goals. Through the coaching process he shared a learning of his that was so powerful. He had let his mind take him back to a distant memory, and in doing so he reminded me that we are all connected, somehow and that means that we can never be lonely. We can reconnect with each other through kindness and trust, a smile, a helping hand... that is something we all have the power to do, and together, we can change the world...starting with you.
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Sam Holman is a qualified career adviser and NLP Master coach who is experienced in working with others to achieve life changes beyond limitations. If you are ready to get focused on the positive in your life so that you can move forward easily in 2016 and achieve your goals sign up for the free webinar Monday 14th December at 8pm  for you to get clear on what you want and how you can get it. Sign up HERE now to secure your place.
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A lesson in riding the waves (of life)

10/10/2015

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Are you living your life in the amazing? Are you riding the waves...or drowning in them?

Living life in the amazing is whatever that means for you, but for some this means envying the ones who have the life you think is not possible for you, this is why the personal breakthrough is all about breaking out of old patterns and beliefs to make room for who you are truly are and were born to be.

Tweet: ​Jealousy alone, can rob you of your freedom, as can any negatives you nurture. In aiming for an amazing life, love is always the answer!
Working in schools I have seen how easy it is to become 'uniformed' - literally! I thought being grown up was all about wearing office clothes, and earning a certain amount of money to own a certain amount of things, and so I agree when some young people talk about their frustrations about being encouraged to find out who they are, yet the (sometimes) illogical rules can restrict them from their own journey of self-discovery and expression.

When I was growing up I couldn't wait to be seen as 'grown up' - yet now I do all I can to stay young, and I'm not talking hair dye and anti-wrinkle cream! Mentally being youthful and experiencing play is one of the most important ways to achieve balance, doing what you love and loving what you do, being creative, having fun, being curious and experimenting with ideas, stepping out of the comfort-zone, understanding that a mistake isn't the end of the world but a beginning of a new chapter with a new learning....

....it is this that takes me travelling; it literally takes me out of the comfort-zone that, in our world full of convenience and luxury, can be so easy to forget that we are even in. One of my biggest dreams was to have a business where I was not only doing something I was passionate about, helping others in positive change, but one that allowed me to include my personal loves, such as writing and travelling. I focused on the image of working abroad but whilst away this year I also continued to work with three of my amazing clients, all at different places in their journey, and realised then that I literally have achieved my dream. In these moments it's so important to make time to step back from your path on occasion and realise you have achieved exactly what you wanted...even when it may be that you got exactly what you said you didn't want (remembering that the unconscious mind doesn't do well with negative instruction)! It's all there for us to see how to move forward, be that in doing things differently, or keep doing the same if it's working for you! Remember the be, do, have principle - start with the positive thoughts and emotions. 

My chosen destination this year was Morocco, a beautiful place, so rich in culture, and after a short escape to the mountains I went to the coast, where I decided to take a surf lesson... and this is where I met a lovely surf instructor (too beautiful to really be teaching anyone who is clearly going to spend too much time looking like a drowned rat and needs to focus on the learning, but an amazing teacher all the same).

Surfing waves that are coming at you whether or not you are ready is a challenge, yet one we all need to learn how to handle successfully at some point in life...so it was this in mind that I listened to the instructor's advice to me as I scrambled onto my board and paddled like a crazy, struggling to stand up and fall off with grace - consciously incompetent. 

The rules of surfing

- Trust yourself
- Feel the waves and believe you can ride them
- Focus on what you want and where you are going....just follow your heart
- Stop thinking so much and let go
- Let yourself connect to nature
- Allow yourself to be in the moment
- Smile

In the end I tried to drown out the instructions whilst I focused on doing all of these things, but what magical, wonderful lessons within a lesson. NLP is essentially a study of excellence, and these wise words can be applied to anything we want to achieve...just think back to a time that you were successful, how did you do that, how did you feel, what were you thinking...I'll bet you had belief and focus at some level!

The instructor told me of a group of girls who had come to surf, but one girl stood back. When he asked her if she was joining the group she gestured towards her body, which she believed overweight, and joked 'do I look like a surfer?' In that moment my surf instructor instructed her into the water and within two hours she was riding a wave and crying with pride. Our beliefs are the only thing that limit our ability to reach our full potential, and all we need to do is step forward, out of that uncomfortable comfort-zone of negative self-talk, focus on what we want, and embrace the feelings of pride and happiness we can get from achieving something we once believed we couldn't. Can you imagine if she hadn't? She would never have known that feeling, the feeling of living life in the amazing.

The surf instructor wasn't the only person I met living their passion in Morocco. One man told me he had chosen a 'profession' to be a chef, but he found it hard and stressful...yet he carried on for years believing this was what work was supposed to be like. He told me 'one day I was introduced to horses by a friend, now I spend every day, riding on the beach with tourists, meeting new people and feeling free. I may only be 28 but I know you need to have passion in life, whatever age you are.' When you allow yourself to live in the moment the future can take care of itself.

Of course I'm not saying ditch the forward planning, but it really all depends on your priorities and values - what is important to you to have, who is it important for you to be? Take a step back now and work out what is propelling you forward; are you moving towards something for you, and what is the purpose of having it, what is your deeper why...

You can learn to stand alone and ride the challenging waves, but isn't it better to have support, to have some guidance on how to do it well, and in a way that won't tire you out so quickly, to learn new more positive habits that make it easier to get to where you are going much sooner, whilst unlearning old behaviours that, in the past, meant you kept falling off every time a wave hits (seriously, the Surfin USA Teen Wolf moves did me no favours). My surf lesson was the best two hours of my travels, not only because I got to ride the waves, but because I got a refresher in life's lessons, which incidentally, are all around us, when you are open to paying attention. There is only ever feedback after all.
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If you are ready to live life in the amazing remember that there is a wait-list for the next online coaching programme (join it here). This will be the last one of the year and will allow you to learn some powerful tools and techniques to access resources you already have, you will connect with other like-minded people whilst you re-connect with yourself and move toward an even more amazing 2016. Get on the wait-list to hear about the early-bird discount here first.

Alternatively, if you want to have more tailored sessions that include an alternative form of coaching therapy to remove what has held you back in the past so that you can really break-free and get what you want with my one to one support simply contact me TODAY (sorry, no surf lessons are included, I'm not that good....yet!)

Be brave, be beautiful...comments are welcome:
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    Sam D Holman, EzineArticles Basic PLUS Author

    Hi! My name is Sam 

    I'm an advocate of brave, passionate about helping people to break through their bull shit to live life in the amazing and achieve their goals easily. 

    I believe that brave is the new beautiful... and I want you to believe that too.
    x

    P.S Please feel free to comment and share. 

    CONTACT ME HERE

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